There are hundreds if not thousands of relationship books out there that claim they can help you save your marriage, so why is this one any different? Here are five reasons: 1.Written by a Practising Couple Therapist It might seem odd but most relationship books are not written by relationship therapists. They are written by journalists who believe their personal experience of break-ups has given them some deep insight. Or by psychologists or medical doctors with little to no real-life experience of actual couples. Or full time authors who just go from writing one book to another. The advantage of writing this book as a couple therapist is that you see hundreds of marriages every year, you have a front row seat for what works and doesn’t work, for what moves couples forward and what locks them in place. 2. Specific Strategies for Specific Problems From affairs to anxious attachment, turbulent starts to disconnected middle-age, the role of your parents to your role as parents, there is a lot that can go wrong in romantic relationships. And it’s easy to confuse the symptom with the source: for example you think the problem is communication when it’s actually power-plays, or you think it’s lack of desire when it’s unspoken resentment. This book identifies and explores the fifteen most common patterns that result in disconnection, so you can identify what is actually going wrong as opposed to what you think is going wrong. 3. It’s Not Skills, It’s Blocks Of course relationships can be improved by being more loving or more understanding, or by making the first move or turning the other cheek. The problem isn’t that we can’t do these things, it is because of resentment, frustration or anger we don’t want to do these things. That’s why relationship books that give you communication exercises or listening skills miss the point. It’s not the skills, it’s the blocks. We have our walls up for a reason: and until you understand these reasons, you’re not going to get anywhere. 4. Research-based Approach This book is derived from Pattern-Based Couple Therapy , a theory I developed that breaks down disharmony into separate categories and then applies action specific to that category. With this approach 95% of the couples I see in private practice will be completed with 6-12 sessions. That doesn’t mean everything is happy ever after, but it does mean that these couples understand what is going on, what game they are in. Whether they choose to change or keep playing the same game, is ultimately their decision. Relationships are complicated. If all it took was 6 Simple Steps or Eight Rules of Love or to Choose Her Every Day we wouldn’t have a divorce rate of nearly 40%, relationship books wouldn’t sell by the millions and couple therapists up and down the land would be out of work. That is not to say struggling relationships cannot be fixed, but you need to know what you’re up against.