We have a tendency today to over-parent, micro-manage, and under-appreciate our adolescents. Dr. John Duffy's The Available Parent is a revolutionary approach to taking care of teens and tweens. Teenagers are often left feeling unheard and misunderstood, and parents are left feeling bewildered by the changes in their child at adolescence and their sudden lack of effectiveness as parents. The parent has become unavailable, the teen responds in kind, and a negative, often destructive cycle of communication begins. The available parent of a teenager is open to discussion, offering advice and solutions, but not insisting on them. He allows his child to make some mistakes, setting limits, primarily where health and safety are concerned. He never lectures -- he is available but not controlling. He is neither cruel nor dismissive, ever. The available parent is fun and funny, and can bring levity to the most stressful situation. All of that is to say, there are no conditions to his availability -- it is absolute. "This book came to me just at the right moment, as my older daughter hovers on the edge of adolescence. I'm grateful for Dr. Duffy's wisdom, which I know will allow me to enjoy my daughters' teen years rather than just "make it through" them. I will revisit this book again and again over the coming years--whenever I need a reminder to be present and available to my kids. It has refreshed my sense of gratitude and appreciation for the remarkable young people in my life." --Kate Hopper, Author of Use Your Words: A Writing Guide for Mothers and Ready for Air: A Journey Through Premature Motherhood ― Reviews Get the Relationship You Want with Your Teen Highly recommended by everyone from NPR to Fox News and the "Today" show, Dr. John Duffy s "The Available Parent" will help you negotiate the ever-changing landscape of the teenage years. Imagine healthy conversations replacing angry outbursts, slammed doors, obsessive texting or sullen silence. Begin to enjoy a healthy, satisfying, new kind of relationship with your teenager one based on true availability, clear expectations and calm communication, rather than fear-based control. At a time when many helicopter parents micromanage and under-appreciate their children, Dr. Duffy s step-by-step guide is an innovative approach to taking care of teens and tweens. " John Duffy is a clinical psychologist and certified life coach with a thriving private practice. In addition to clinical work, Duffy also consults with individuals, groups, and corporations. Dr. Duffy's highly satisfied clients include Sears, Allstate, General Electric, Household Financial, Exxon Mobil, Accenture, Bank of America, and Hewitt Associates. He lives in Chicago. Re - connecting ?Parents should be their kids’ allies, not their enemies, right? I mean, why not? Are we supposed to just hate each other for the rest of our lives? What’s the point of that? Don’t be hatin,’ man!” ?Jack, 16 As you read this section, I encourage you, despite any current circumstances or conflicts, to recall the strong connection you once felt with your child. Even if it’s been years. A few years back, I watched an interview with Paul Simon, reflecting on his professional life. Despite his obvious genius as a songwriter and singer and all the worldwide acclaim, he admitted that he still does not see himself as successful. He cited his father’s lack of approval and support as the reason for his discontent? specifically, his father never told him he was proud of him?which kept him from feeling and enjoying his own success. It was a sad and striking moment to witness. We can have the entire world telling us time and time again how wonderful we are, but without the unconditional love and approval of our parents, it all quickly becomes meaningless. When I make decisions about my career, I still consider what my father would think, and he died more than a decade ago. If we still feel this way about our parents all these years out of childhood, how can we really expect our children to feel any differently about us today? Know this. Teenagers simply want a voice, to be heard. You know, just like everyone else. When you shut them out or cut them down when they begin to express that voice, they will withdraw? from you, from themselves, perhaps even from that voice. That’s when you might be the recipient of a big, shocking ?Fuck you!” But do not believe for a moment that your child doesn’t want your approval, to feel connected to you?despite what he may say and do, your teenager wants nothing more than that connection. True, he wants and needs to feel connected to his friends as well, but do not underestimate the importance to him of his connection with you. And be prepared to experience a shift. As you begin to foster an improved connection with your teen, you will see her open up to you more, lighten up more, find more motivation and inspiration. The result may not look exactly as you envision. I encourage you to trust