Billy Boy is a humorous story about an altar boy growing up in a small New England town and the many conflicts he encounters along the way. When the mysteries of faith, sex, and the world around him were rationalized with a young mind and an imagination that ran wild within his head. When trying to stay one step ahead of his parents, teachers, and the law, he often found himself two steps behind. Although this mostly true tale takes place during the rock and roll era, it could have happened during any time period. This is a must read if you like to laugh, especially at adolescence. BILLY BOY By WILLIAM MAY AuthorHouse Copyright © 2011 William May All right reserved. ISBN: 978-1-4567-2238-8 Contents PROLOGUE................................................ixONE THE VERY BEGINNING.................................1TWO HOME SWEET CATHOLIC HOME...........................6THREE THE "F-" WORD...................................18FOUR JUST A LITTLE HISTORY.............................28FIVE ONE MORE TIME.....................................41SIX THE MIRACLE........................................52SEVEN CONFESSION.......................................61EIGHT THE "S-A-B" WORD.................................75NINE THE FORMATIVE YEARS...............................88TEN HOLLYWOOD..........................................97ELEVEN THE TRIBE.......................................110TWELVE THE RING THING..................................121THIRTEEN MAKING A QUICK BUCK...........................132FOURTEEN HENRY FRANCIS MORRISON........................141FIFTEEN THE "B-" WORD.................................149SIXTEEN THE CHICKEN DANCE..............................167SEVENTEEN INOA IANETTI.................................176EIGHTEEN SEX ED 101....................................189NINETEEN THE SWITCH....................................209TWENTY THE BRILLIANT BRAINSTORM........................226TWENTY-ONE SEX ED 102..................................237TWENTY-TWO THE RESCUE..................................258TWENTY-THREE COP CAPERS................................272TWENTY-FOUR THE SKUNK..................................285TWENTY-FIVE TOMATO TURMOIL.............................294TWENTY-SIX PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT......................307TWENTY-SEVEN GRADUATION................................315TWENTY-EIGHT ARRESTED AND DETESTED.....................327EPILOGUE................................................339 Chapter One "BILLY BOY" THE VERY BEGINNING On Sunday, December 7th, 1941 the Japanese Empire dropped bombs on United States military facilities at Pearl Harbor in Hawaii, which for America, marked the beginning of World War II. Although not recorded anywhere else in history, except under "1941 Births" in the "Town of Townsend Annual Report," one bomb did hit the United States mainland just the day before. Striking precisely at 8:03 Saturday morning, twenty-four hours earlier, exactly to the minute. The device landed right in the center of a small town in north central Massachusetts, named Townsend, population 2,226. The bomb wasn't dropped from a high flying Japanese aircraft using the latest in air to ground weapon technology of the time though. Instead it was delivered the old fashion way via a true-blooded American woman using the "push," "breathe," and "push" method. An ordinary delivery really, been going on the same way since the beginning of man. Unlike what had occurred in Hawaii, the arrival wasn't a surprise either. Just a natural childbirth, nine months to the day, right there in the center of town. The deliverer, my mother, Virginia Mary May. The delivered; me. A boy weighing just over seven pounds. I was different however. The doctor first told my mother she had delivered a beautiful baby girl, then said, "wait a minute, wait just one minute here, this girl's ah boy!" Either I was very chubby, or yet to get stubby, I'm not sure. I was so young at the time, I can't remember. I can only hope that the ensuing confusion had something to do with my paunch, and not the other thing. During the excitement of establishing my gender, the doctor failed to recognize something of greater significance. He never noticed that I also came equipped with a time-delayed fuse, which would sputter and fizzle for thirteen years, give or take a few months, before setting off the bomb. Something he never told my mother about. Wasn't his fault. Never saw it. Had he picked up on it, he could have warned her; "Virginia, be prepared for the worst!" Virginia Mary, named after the Virgin Mary of Catholic fame, named her little destructive device William, after her husband, my father, who had been blessed with the name for no particular reason. We had different middle names, his Edwin and mine Edward, so by law I wasn't even considered a "junior." Couldn't even be classified a "second" for that matter, although "William the Second" would have been a name I liked. Amazing how some names self elevate, whi