“A balls-out joyride through eighties pop culture that enlightens as much as it exhilarates.” —Armistead Maupin, New York Times bestselling author of Michael Tolliver Lives From the critically acclaimed author of I Am Not Myself These Days comes the very odd adventures of a starry-eyed young man from the Midwest seeking fame and fortune in the flamboyant surreality of New York, Los Angeles . . . and everywhere in between. Jayson Blocher is tired of worshiping pop culture; he wants to be part of it. So he's off, accompanied by an ever-changing cast of quirky extended family members, on an extremely bumpy journey from rural Wisconsin to a New York escort agency for Broadway chorus boys, to a Hollywood sitcom set. Somewhere out there his destiny awaits—along with the discovery of first love, some unusual coincidences, a kidnapping mystery . . . and the sobering truth that being America's sweetheart can leave a very sour aftertaste. “[O]ne hell of a spellbinding read.” - Chicago Sun-Times “Josh Kilmer-Purcell is funny funny funny, one of the funniest young writers in America. In Candy Everybody Wants, he trains his insightfully sardonic eye on the world of 80’s pop culture, showing the roots that made us a nation of Britneys, American Idols, and Obamamaniacs.” - James Frey, author of Bright Shiny Morning “Josh Kilmer-Purcell has created rich and memorable characters that emerge from the tumultuous landscape of the 1970’s. Jayson Blocher is the Holden Caufield for a new generation who is thrust in to a Little Miss Sunshine family in the early 1980’s.” - Dr. Drew Pinsky, author of The Mirror Effect “A balls-out joyride through eighties pop culture that enlightens as much as it exhilarates. As always, Kilmer-Purcell’s astringent wit is nicely tempered by his obvious sympathy for human frailty.” - Armistead Maupin, New York Times bestselling author of Michael Tolliver Lives “A genuine comic novel filled with big laughs, Candy Everybody Wants is entertainingly out-of-left-field yet remains rooted in reality. With his second book, Kilmer-Purcell has avoided the dreaded sophomore slump. We can’t wait to see what he’ll come up with next.” - Myspace.com “Plenty of dishy anecdotes and moments of tragi-camp delight.” - Washington Post “[Kilmer-Purcell’s] trenchant memoir captures the madcap rush of the once-closeted arriviste’s first brush with city life, a fall from innocence that still haunts him . . . he retells the saga . . . with levelheaded grace.” - Entertainment Weekly From the critically acclaimed author of I Am Not Myself These Days comes the very odd adventures of a starry-eyed young man from the Midwest seeking fame and fortune in the flamboyant surreality of New York, Los Angeles . . . and everywhere in between. Jayson Blocher is tired of worshiping pop culture; he wants to be part of it. So he's off, accompanied by an ever-changing cast of quirky extended family members, on an extremely bumpy journey from rural Wisconsin to a New York escort agency for Broadway chorus boys, to a Hollywood sitcom set. Somewhere out there his destiny awaits—along with the discovery of first love, some unusual coincidences, a kidnapping mystery . . . and the sobering truth that being America's sweetheart can leave a very sour aftertaste. Josh Kilmer-Purcell is the bestselling author of the memoir I Am Not Myself These Days and the novel Candy Everybody Wants , and the star of Planet Green's documentary television series The Fabulous Beekman Boys . He and his partner, Brent Ridge, divide their time between Manhattan and the Beekman Farm. Candy Everybody Wants By Josh Kilmer-Purcell HarperCollins Publishers, Inc. Copyright © 2008 Josh Kilmer-Purcell All right reserved. ISBN: 9780061336966 Chapter One Dallasty! Oconomowoc Landing. A Jayson Blocher Production Directed by Jayson Blocher Written by Jayson Blocher Casting by Jayson Blocher Costumes and Makeup by Jayson Blocher Episode III: Cornfields Ablaze!!! Scene 18 Open on Patricia Ewing, and Amethyst Carrington sunbathing on floating diving platform in skimpy string bikinis. Patricia Ewing looks totally sexy wearing a swirly Pucci suit, and Amethyst Carrington also looks hot in a Lily Pulitzer extravaganza. J. B. Ewing paddles up in the convertible Ewing-Carrington pedal boat. Patricia Ewing: (sarcastic) Well hello there J.B., you jerkface . Welcome home from work. Amethyst Carrington: He is not a Jerkface at all, Patrica! He is the father of our child! Who will one day inherit control of all of the Ewing-Carrington farmland! J.B.: (setting drink on dock and climbing out of pedal boat) For your information, All of the Ewing-Carrington cornfields have been set ablaze! Amethyst Carrington: No! J.B.: Yes! Amethyst Carrington: No! J.B.: Yes they have! Patricia: I hope my husband Robbie is out there saving the day. J.B.: Why would he be? Your loser husband, who is my loser brother, was the one that set them on fire! Patricia: (standing u