Why do pirates always wear eye patches? What are pirates so grumpy about? Where do pirates go to get their ears pierced? How do pirates keep their underwear from getting mixed up when they sail off to pirate summer camp? You're not the only one who wonders about these things. Author/illustrator Tom Lichtenheld wondered so much, he had to write a book about them. The result is Everything I Know About Pirates, a hilarious encyclopedia of piratedom. Thoroughly researched using educated guesses and made-up facts, the book reveals everything you'd ever want to know about those notorious bad guys of the high seas. So grab your eye patch, matey, and prepare to learn the truth about the meanest and goofiest characters this side of Treasure Island. Ahoy there, matey! All buccaneers to the poop deck or ye'll be walkin' the plank! Aaarrgh! Author and illustrator Tom Lichtenheld always wondered why pirates' pants are so raggedy on the bottom edges, and what makes pirates so crabby all the time, and why it is that earrings were macho on pirates way before they became cool for any other guys. So he decided it was up to him to write the final word on piratedom. This encyclopedia of spectacularly unscientific, unfounded facts about those nasty brigands of the sea will thoroughly satisfy the curiosity of landlubbin' vermin and pirate wannabes alike. Complete with name charts (pick one word from each of three columns to come up with a name like Blind Tooth Willy or One Boot Kidd), diagrams of swashbuckler fashion, and cutaway views of pirate ships, this volume is chock full of unforgettable and indispensable details of the buccaneering life. Did you know, for example, that pirates are very clumsy--why else would they always end up with eye patches and hooks? And the skull and crossbones was not discovered inside the desk of a seventh-grader in De Kalb, Illinois, as is commonly believed. It was Leonardo "Peg Leg" da Vinci who invented the design. Confused by all this technical lingo? Check out the Official Pirate Glossary in the back. Lichtenheld's hilarious illustrations and outrageous nonsense makes for a delicious reading experience for swashbucklers of all ages. (Ages 4 and older) --Emilie Coulter Grade 2-5-The subtitle succinctly describes this silly book. The tongue-in-cheek humor will appeal to those who like to be grossed out by boogers, earwax, chest hair, body odor, and seagull poop. Some jokes may need to be explained to younger children: "Sometimes a pirate would refuse to use a map at all and just wander aimlessly around the ocean, refusing to even stop to ask directions. These were usually Dad pirates." A two-page "Official Pirate Glossary" reflects the mixture of fact and fiction throughout: "Buccaneer 1. A fancy French word for 'pirate.' 2. How much a pirate pays to get his ears pierced." This spoof is not to be confused with factual books about pirates, even though the CIP recommends a 910.4'5 Dewey classification. The cartoon-style illustrations, rendered in "ink, colored pencil, gouache, pastels, and ear wax," are large and plentiful with amusing captions. Don't walk the plank for this one. Eunice Weech, M. L. King Elementary School, Urbana, IL Copyright 2000 Reed Business Information, Inc. The subtitle of this droll book says it all. There's funny language and a glossary with such words as Avast ! and Ahoy ! There's an interesting note about the derivation of the term scaredy-pants and a fair amount about general pirate "stinkitude" as well as some insight into the evolution of pirate flags and treasure maps. The illustrations, rendered in "ink, colored pencil, gouache, pastels, and ear wax," are suitably exaggerated and liberally, er, salted with helpful commentary. Figure one, for example, shows a pirate boot with a hole in it--"ventilated to prevent toe crud." Lichtenheld even includes a chart showing how to make up a pirate name (there's only one girl name, of course, and the author warns children about that one). We're talking boy fantasy here, not Anne Bonny. GraceAnne A. DeCandido Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved Accurately subtitled A collection of made-up facts, educated guesses, and silly pictures about bad guys of the high seas, this study affirms many popular misconceptions about these archetypal villains. It clears up plenty of mysteries too, such as what pirates eat (weevils, maggots, and food stolen from fish schools) or why (besides terminal clumsiness) so many are one-eyed, one-handed, and peg-legged. Lichtenheld also describes pirate fashion in detail, from boots (Ventilated to prevent toe crud) to hair styles, presents a gallery of historical skull and crossbones alternatives (Hot dog and crossbones, 1620), then caps the narrative with a chart of pirate-like monikers and a glossary (Buccaneer. 2. How much a pirate pays to get his ears pierced). Ingenious, sometimes gross, and illustrated with cartoony views of leering plug-uglies, thi