Do you long for a better relationship with your daughter? Do you occasionally feel as though you have failed as a mother, or blame yourself because your relationship with your daughter is strained, faltering, or nonexistent? Do you feel that your daughter is always dissatisfied? Or are you smothered by your daughter's dependence? Moreover, do you feel that the relationship is determined and that there is no chance that it could grow to become an incredibly nurturing friendship? Dr. Charney Herst and her book, For Mothers of Difficult Daughters, are here to help. It is the first mother-daughter book that takes the point of view--and the side--of the mother, and it helps you understand your particular bond while providing practical steps toward repairing your relationship with your grown daughter. Through over twenty-five years of individual counseling, as well as her popular group therapy sessions for mothers of difficult daughters, Dr. Herst has found solutions that work. Whether your daughter is dependent, dissatisfied, or distant, Dr. Herst believes you should never give up hope. In this practical book, Dr. Herst helps mothers untangle the web of personal history and intense emotion inherent in their relationships with their daughters and take the lead in re-pairing this all-important bond. for a better relationship with your daughter? Do you occasionally feel as though you have failed as a mother, or blame yourself because your relationship with your daughter is strained, faltering, or nonexistent? Do you feel that your daughter is always dissatisfied? Or are you smothered by your daughter's dependence? Moreover, do you feel that the relationship is determined and that there is no chance that it could grow to become an incredibly nurturing friendship? Dr. Charney Herst and her book, For Mothers of Difficult Daughters, are here to help. It is the first mother-daughter book that takes the point of view--and the side--of the mother, and it helps you understand your particular bond while providing practical steps toward repairing your relationship with your grown daughter. Through over twenty-five years of individual counseling, as well as her popular group therapy sessions for mothers of difficult daughters, Dr. Herst has found solutions that work. Whether your da A Mother's Bill of Rights I have the right to be treated with respect. I have the right to control my own life for as long as I can. I have the right to an explanation of my children's feelings--I can't intuit their thoughts. I have the right to be sad or angry without hiding my feelings to protect my children. I have the right to say no. I have the right to reminisce and be sentimental. I have the right to talk to my children about my problems. I do not expect them to provide solutions, just listen. I have the right to buy nice things and go places. I have the right to my own opinions. I do not expect my children to agree with all of them. I have the right to miss my children. It does not mean I want to control them. I have the responsibility to respect each of my children and to grant them the same rights I expect for myself. Dr. Charney Herst is a psychotherapist with a Ph.D. in clinical psychology who specializes in relationship counseling. She leads group therapy sessions and conducts seminars for mothers of difficult daughters. She is married and has three daughters and two sons. She lives in Los Angeles. Lynette Padwa is a fifteen-year veteran of the West Coast book publishing industry. She is the author of Everything You Pretend to Know and Are Afraid Someone Will Ask and has been a freelance writer since 1991. She lives in Los Angeles with her husband and son. What Did I Do Wrong? I remember driving my daughter to ballet class and baking tray upon tray of chocolate-chip cookies for her Brownie troop. I chauffeured her to piano lessons, tap dance, swimming, art class, modeling school . . . am I leaving anything out? Oh yes: I didn't allow her to camp out at the beach when she was in ninth grade. She still brings it up, as if this were some form of child abuse. --Liddy, age fifty-four Every woman has a mother story. If you begin a sentence with the words, 'My mother',' nine times out of ten the person you're talking to will jump in before you're finished, anxious to tell you about her mother. Mom was too pushy, or too weak. She was demanding, or neglectful. Mom loved me too much, or too little. That's why I'm so messed up Bookstores are stuffed with tomes offering advice to damaged daughters; therapists' couches sag with the weight of grumpy 'adult children.' In the therapy-happy 1970s and '80s, women were encouraged to view their mothers as nearly godlike, wielding awesome power over their daughter's self-esteem and happiness. In the 1990s, mothers are still being blamed for everything that's gone wrong in their grown daughters' lives. But where is the other side of the story? Where are the mothers' voices? Th