An Oprah Daily Best Book of Fall A CLMP Firecracker Award Finalist A textured, sharply written memoir about coming of age in the fourth decade of one’s life and embracing one's truest self in a world that demands gender fit in neat boxes From the outside, Oliver Radclyffe spent four decades living an immensely privileged, beautifully composed life. As the daughter of two well-to-do British parents and the wife of a handsome, successful man from an equally privileged family, Oliver played the parts expected of him. He checked off every box—marriage, children (four), a white-picket fence surrounding a stately home in Connecticut, and a golden retriever named Biscuit. But beneath the shiny veneer, Oliver was desperately trying to stay afloat as he struggled to maintain a facade of normalcy—his hair was falling out in clumps, he couldn’t eat, and his mood swings often brought him to tears. And then, on an otherwise unremarkable afternoon in September, Oliver Radclyffe woke up and realized the life of a trapped housewife was not one he was ever meant to live. In fact, Oliver had spent his entire life denying the deepest, truest parts of himself. In the wake of this realization, he began the challenging, messy journey toward self-acceptance and living a truer life, knowing he risked the life he’d built to do so. That journey was fraught, as Oliver navigated leaving a marriage and reintroducing himself to his children. And despite the challenges he faced, Oliver realized there was no way for him to go back to the beautiful lie of his previous life. Not if he wanted to survive. Frighten the Horses is a trans man’s coming of age story, about a housewife who comes out as a lesbian and tentatively, at first, steps into the world of queerness. With growing courage and the support of his newfound community, Oliver is finally able to face the question of his gender identity and become the man he is supposed to be. The story of a flawed, fascinating, gorgeously queer man, Frighten the Horses introduces Oliver Radclyffe as a witty, arresting, unforgettable voice. Praise for Frighten the Horses : “Radclyffe writes movingly about parenting and the emotional risks of every step he takes toward affirming his maleness . . . [A]s a testament to midlife transition — especially in a time when so much of the cultural conversation around gender rights focuses on young people — Radclyffe’s memoir offers a valuable alternate narrative to the loss and pain that queer history has too often insisted on.” —Alex Marzano-Lesnevich, New York Times “It’s the voice that makes this memoir stand out . . . This is a writer who can capture any moment with a dazzling, insightful, at times musical phrase.” —Oprah Daily “A Connecticut parent can no longer resist becoming the person he’s always been in this singular memoir of transition. Full of unexpected heroes and heart.” —Marion Winik, People “Moving, crucially important . . . A beautifully told story of family and identity." —Marion Winik, Newsday “Humorous and heartwarming.” —Hugh Ryan, Los Angeles Review of Books “This debut memoir is one of unshakeable honesty and truth in identity . . . Radclyffe’s story is one of flaws and fears, vulnerabilities and triumphs; don’t miss it.” —Karla J. Strand, Ms. “Radclyffe’s sincere and searching memoir of coming out in midlife before ultimately transitioning embraces the sensations, emotional and physical, of the urge to live as his true gender and then of actually doing so.”— Booklist , Editor’s Choice of 2024 “Radically refreshing . . . In a moment in our culture where people are so quick to hide or deny these details about their past selves, Radclyffe’s honesty and vulnerability in these particular moments helps show that the process of becoming isn’t limited to what we learn about our own inner lives and desires. It’s also about what we’ve refused to see by denying ourselves for so long.” —Stef Rubino, Autostraddle “Novelistic and episodic, Oliver Radclyffe’s memoir Frighten the Horses is written with verve, humor, and specificity . . . Radclyffe’s prose is vigorously corporeal and sensory. He puts us in his body at every turn, with vivid physiological reactions to situations and insightful responses to revelations. He doesn’t just tell us about his gender dysphoria, he shows us. Every ache and flash of embarrassment, every jolt of panic and frustration, is written with phenomenological anguish, and also with great wit . . . He writes poignantly and incisively about body ownership . . . With tireless compassion and microscopic meditations, Radclyffe brings us through his psychological, emotional, and physical transitions.” —Brian Alessandro, Gay and Lesbian Review “Warm, moving and most importantly, inspiring for anyone who needs a reminder that it’s never too late to be one’s authentic self.” —Jessica Wakeman, BookPage “Beautifully written and incredibly moving. I felt honored to read this book and feel it is one that should be read