Greetings from Cutler County is both a nonstop ride of tragic hilarity, and a piercing look at the complexities of youth. In one northern Michigan community the lives of desperate small-town dreamers are examined through an ensemble cast as earnest as they are outrageous, and as compelling as they are heartbreaking. The lovers, crooks, failures, and survivors of Cutler County are so flawed and genuine you can't help rooting for them-no matter how foolish or hopeless their pursuits may seem. The stories take place in Cutler County, Michigan. Most of the characters are young men who think of themselves as losers and outsiders. Short on cash, popularity, and the ambition needed for success, they nevertheless are able to examine their failings with the self-knowing humor and resignation of the perpetually thwarted ne'er-do-well. The stories are inseparable from the stark shoreline of their Lake Michigan settings-the cavernous woods and vast inland lakes that shape life in northern Michigan-and create a landscape as rugged and dramatic as youth itself. Greetings from Cutler County explores the common triumphs and tragedies of coming of age, while providing a rationale and humor that is uniquely and unforgettably its own. Travis Mulhauser is originally from Petoskey, Michigan, and currently lives and teaches in North Carolina. This is his first book. Greetings from Cutler County A NOVELLA & STORIES By Travis Mulhauser University of Michigan Press Copyright © 2005 Travis Mulhauser All right reserved. ISBN: 978-0-472-11416-0 Contents 1. Eddie Bauer Girls............................12. Billy & Me...................................313. The Conqueso War.............................514. Where Alan Montacalm Was.....................835. Chasing Orion................................996. The Penthouse Plan...........................1067. Brothers.....................................167 Chapter One Eddie Bauer Girls Sneaker Gibbs Jr. watched Amanda Bell cross the sports lounge of the Blazing Onion and felt that her fluidity and dignified presence created a sort of gliding effect: SportsCenter on the big screen behind her, refried beans and tortillas held majestically above her head. "That's an Eddie Bauer girl," Hooker said. Sneaker's mouth was agape. A piece of guacamole clung to his chin. "What?" he said. "An Eddie Bauer girl," Hooker said. "What's that?" "A girl who either shops the catalog or has actually appeared as a model within its glossy pages." Sneaker was stunned by the way she carried her uniform. How she was able, with her short-trimmed sandy hair, and long slender legs, to transcend her frilly black skirt, and the mandatory buttons pinned to her sleeves, advertising margaritas. "What did you call her?" Sneaker said. "She's an Eddie Bauer girl, dog." Hooker reached across the table and wiped the guacamole from Sneaker's chin with a napkin. "While I admit it's unlikely she's actually a model, I guarantee there's a wicker basket at her place filled with catalogs." It was dollar-draft night in the sports lounge, and Sneaker decided Amanda was far too busy to approach, and he didn't want to be perceived as rude or pushy. He left without speaking to her, but though she was not waiting on their table, he left a tip that nearly equaled the price of his and Hooker's beers and enchiladas. He imagined their waiter, a thin gay man named Thomas, leaning over to Amanda during a smoke break and informing her of the considerable generosity and obvious financial stability of the cute guy at table three. Though Sneaker didn't consider himself good-looking, he often fantasized about being described as such. He and Hooker had been working on positive self-imagery. Earlier that winter Hooker had attended a conference entitled "Reaching the Cosmos: A Guide to Spiritual Actualization." It was part of a self-awareness lecture series at the Cutler County Community College, and Hooker said that positive imagery was one of the tools you could use to reach the cosmos. "It's a simple concept," Hooker had said. "You're basically just viewing yourself in positive terms, dig? Since your esteem is particularly low in regards to your physical appearance, it's a good place to start." It was true: Sneaker had always abhorred his short, stocky frame. His straight black hair was limp and lifeless, and no matter how thoroughly gelled it sat >at on his head, extenuating the square look he wished so desperately to avoid. After shaving, long lines of red razor bumps appeared across the lower ridge of his chin, and his nose had always appeared to Sneaker to be far too wide and doughy. Sneaker considered himself the type of man that women found comforting and easy to talk to, but believed he could offer little in the area of arousal and physical stimulation. He rarely dated. When he and Hooker went out, women would occasionally have a drink with him, but it was usually because their n