The loss of a loved one can be overwhelming. How do we endure grief? Can we simply forget, or "get over it?" This book explains the science behind bereavement, from emotion to the persistence of memory, and shows readers how to understand and adapt to death as a part of life.  Responses to loss are typically associated with negative emotions, traumatic memories, or separation distress, but we grieve because we care. This book demonstrates how negative emotional responses experienced in grief often follow experiences with positive emotional memories. Dr. Lamia emphasizes an understanding and acceptance of post-loss emotions. Grief Isn't Something to Get Over aims to expand our understanding of bereavement, placing it in alignment with how emotions work. Using numerous case examples and personal vignettes, this book helps readers recognize the ways in which emotions are connected to memories and influence our experiences of loss. This invaluable book is an essential addition to the field. Steeped in research, it offers the reader profound psychological insight into the subtle and nuanced relationship between grief and memories. —Claire B. WIllis, LICSW, MA, Clinical Social Worker, and coauthor of Opening to Grief: Finding Your Way from Loss to Peace. Mary Lamia is a wise and deeply compassionate guide through the mysteries of loss, memory, and grief. Combining scientific expertise, therapeutic skill, and her own life experience, she has written an invaluable book that will serve as a vital resource for individuals confronting lingering memories of their loved ones and for the professionals who seek to support them through their grief. —Jefferson A. Singer, Ph.D. Faulk Foundation Professor of Psychology, Connecticut College, New London, CT. Dr. Lamia explains why grief is an ongoing and necessary force in the human mind, and how it is connected to emotion, identity, thoughts, and physiological responses. With a perceptive, humane perspective on the subtleties of life and death, she uses examples from her own life, professional work, and the research literature to address major questions about the role of grief in determining who we are and who we become. Lamia shows how over time and with work, in our grieving moments, we can learn to adapt to major loss, and live with loss. We don't get over major loss. We can and must live with it. —John H. Harvey, Ph.D., Professor Emeritus, University of Iowa, and founding and continuing editor, Journal of Loss and Trauma. This scholarly meditation on heartbreak belongs in the libraries of therapists, counselors, coaches, clergy, teachers, students, and mourners trying to understand their own grief. In accessible writing replete with personal stories, Mary Lamia explores the emotional, cognitive, and sensory aspects of excruciating loss and shows why well-intentioned pressures to "get over it," "move on," or "find closure" both misunderstand the nature of grief and impede creative adaptations to it. A brilliant and moving book. —Nancy McWilliams, Ph.D., ABPP, Visiting Full Professor, Rutgers Graduate School of Applied and Professional Psychology. There is so much confusion about grief in what I call our "grief-impaired culture," and thankfully, Mary Lamia's clear-eyed approach clears up that confusion and helps us reduce unnecessary suffering. In this lyrical book that melds stories of grief (including her own) with the most recent research, she helps us see how crucial memory is to grief, and how the idea of stages of grief, or "getting over" grief is not only wrong but impossible. Instead, she helps us see that our work in grief is to adapt to loss rather than try to avoid or redeem it, and to bring memories of our dearly departed into a new future made possible by their lives, our loss, and our love. —Karla McLaren, M.Ed., Author of The Language of Emotions: What Your Feelings Are Trying to Tell You, and Embracing Anxiety: How to Access the Genius of this Vital Emotion. I’ve never explored the concept of grief in depth, and it was extremely enlightening to hear different explanations from technical to personal experience. I am reassured that my future encounters with grief will be met with a well-informed perspective. -- Jennifer Hundley, Oviedo, FL Mary Lamia, PhD, is a professor at the Wright Institute in Berkeley, California, and maintains a private practice in Marin County, California, where she works with adults, adolescents, preteens, and couples. She has provided commentary for numerous television, radio, and print media interviews and discussions, and for nearly a decade, hosted a weekly call-in talk show, KidTalk With Dr. Mary , on Radio Disney stations. Dr. Lamia is on the editorial advisory board of the children’s book division at the American Psychological Association (APA) and is a member of The Tomkins Institute: Applied Studies in Motivation, Emotion, and Cognition. She is on the advisory board of America’s Angel—Raising the Bar on Raising Ameri