Hands and Heart Together: Daily Meditations for Caregivers provides day-at-a-time sustenance for those who are caring for loved ones. The need for daily encouragement among this population is staggering; there are over 43 million family caregivers in the U.S., according to AARP. Here is a book that is easily accessible; each short meditation illuminates an aspect of caregiving and closes with an uplifting message. Heartfelt inspiration and hands-on understanding fill these pages as well as a deep and gentle encouragement to honor both the burdens and beautiful gifts of this journey; its path provides untold opportunities for meaningful moments. Any caregiver who reads these will feel understood and invited to more fully embrace the significance of their journey - a day at a time. Patricia Hoolihan’s previous books include three daily meditation books: one for parents of teens, one for teen girls and one for mothers in recovery. She has also authored a book on parenting teens into adulthood and, most recently, published a memoir Storm Prayers: Retrieving and Reimagining Matters of the Soul (North Star Press). This book for caregivers is the one she wishes she had had when she was walking with her parents and other beloved family elders through their last months and years. Patricia teaches writing at The Loft in Minneapolis and at Metropolitan State University. “If we approach the act of caring as though we are giving something to someone who is weaker than ourselves, we will never relate to another as a whole person.”--Kirsten DeLeo The healthiest and most soul-satisfying avenue for being a caregiver embodies a deep respect for your loved one. Yes, maybe he or she is unable to walk in the moment or maybe they have forgotten so much of what they used to know, but inside of their hearts lives all of their previous selves. Your care honors not just who they are today but who they have been in their lifetime; your care honors the gifts you yourself have received from them over time. This is particularly challenging for family members caring for memory loss loved ones. It’s disorienting, especially if they don’t recognize or specifically respond to you, their caregiver. I overheard a nurse say that even in such circumstances, somewhere deep in that loved one’s heart, your voice and presence is recognized. Your presence brings a familiar comfort – even if your loved one has lost the ability to respond. No matter the wide range of responses from my loved one, I will remember that I show up to honor who she or he has been in their life time and in particular, in my life. I honor their whole person and in doing so, I acknowledge my whole history. “…I set out to stage the perfect holiday, for just me and my mother, in her nursing home room, a contradiction in terms if I ever heard one.”--Jane Gross If your loved one lives in your home then holidays might be more labor-intensive, but you have the gift of a home environment. For those whose loved ones live in facilities, even the most well-run and cheerful ones, those holidays can be tough. For everyone. No one wants to spend a holiday in a facility. But look around and you will find others, with quiet courage, making their best efforts for and with their loved one. You are not alone. I remember a couple of Thanksgivings where several of my siblings showed up, where we pooled our potluck items. Strung special lights to make it look festive. Oohed and aahhed over pie. It was much easier to stay in than to take our frail mother out and so we all made the best of it. It wasn’t ideal – but we were together, trading stories, sharing some favorite memories of Thanksgivings of the past. And we carried on with the tradition of saying what we were grateful for - which all boiled down to being alive that day, together and savoring traditional and favorite treats. Setting aside the myth of the perfect holiday, I can focus on the gift of gathering together, of life itself, and celebrating in simple ways. “When people experience deep suffering, what helps them most of all―more than anything we can say or do---is how we are. What matters most is love…to be present and listen is often all that it takes.”--Kirsten DeLeo There are going to be days when you are aware of the suffering of your loved one – sometimes it is physical pain or disappointing news of some sort. It is difficult to hold in one’s heart, the suffering of a loved one. Often we get caught up in thinking we need to do something or fix it. We get caught up in worrying about the right thing to say. If anything can be done to alleviate suffering, of course, it is the right thing to set that in motion. But often, for people suffering from dis-ease or the physical crumblings due to aging, there is no fix. But know that your listening presence helps softens the edges of that hard experience. Being there, listening, can really and truly provide the healing a person needs. Rather than seeking a miracle cure, I will honor that