This is about you, not just your child. Regardless of age, parenting requires a certain amount of uncertainty. But you can be certain that your children look to you to help them discover who they are. And you can only offer that to the degree that YOU know who you are. Over the years, Sissy Goff, David Thomas, and Melissa Trevathan have helped countless families through their ministry known as Daystar Counseling in Nashville, TN. Due to the unique setup of Daystar, each is frequently counseling not only the child but the parent as well. Having both perspectives provides an opportunity to speak into some of the most common struggles that parents face in today's fast-paced society. Intentional Parenting is built around 12 chapters that each dispel some of the most common parenting myths and reminds all parents of truths that can empower them to be not only the parents that their children need but that God has called them to be. The book helps you discover first who you are and then takes that healthy person into a discovery of being more intentional, playful, consistent, merciful, and connected to your children. Understanding your child. Understanding you. David Thomas, LMSW, is the counseling director for men and boys at Daystar. A popular speaker and the coauthor of five books, he is a frequent guest on national television and radio, and a regular contributor to ParentLife magazine. David and his wife, Connie, have a daughter and twin sons Melissa Trevathan has been a youth director, a teacher, a retreat leader, and is now the founder and executive director of Daystar Counseling Ministries in Nashville. She's worked with kids, teenagers, and adults for over 40 years. She's been a guest on TV and radio programs in the US and Canada, and cowrote two other books with Sissy Goff. When she isn't counseling, writing, or teaching seminars, she hangs out with her old English sheepdog, Molasses. INTENTIONAL PARENTING Autopilot is for planes By SISSY GOFF DAVID THOMAS MELISSA TREVATHAN Thomas Nelson Copyright © 2013 Sissy Goff, David Thomas, and Melissa Trevathan All right reserved. ISBN: 978-0-8499-6454-1 Contents Introduction...............................................................xiChapter 1: Being an Intentional Parent—with David.....................1Chapter 2: Being a Patient Parent—with Sissy..........................25Chapter 3: Being a Grown-Up Parent—with Melissa.......................43Chapter 4: Being a Balanced Parent—with David.........................59Chapter 5: Being a Consistent Parent—with Sissy.......................77Chapter 6: Being a Playful Parent—with Melissa........................115Chapter 7: Being a Connected Parent—with David........................129Chapter 8: Being an Encouraging Parent—with Sissy.....................149Chapter 9: Being a Spiritual Parent—with Melissa......................169Chapter 10: Being a Merciful Parent—with David........................179Chapter 11: Being a Hopeful Parent—with Sissy.........................197Chapter 12: Being a Free Parent—with Melissa..........................221Notes......................................................................231Acknowledgments............................................................235About the Authors..........................................................237 Chapter One Being an Intentional Parent —with David YEARS AGO I (DAVID) HAD A CONVERSATION WITH a young man I'd known for several years. I had seen him for the first time as a junior in high school, and then throughout his senior year. He went away to college, and midway through the first semester, he called home to ask his mom if he could set up an appointment when home on break. She agreed, wondering what might be going on with him, but called to set up a time to meet. It was good to reconnect with this young man, to talk about the transition from high school to college, and discuss living on his own for the first time. He was dealing with the normal challenges of being a college freshman at a big school and adjusting to this new stage of life. Somewhere along the way, we ended up talking about his memory of being dropped off and saying good-bye to his parents. I asked him what he remembered about that moment (a significant moment for every college student); he paused and stared ahead as he was chasing down that memory. "David, my dad cried harder that day than I've ever seen him cry in my life." This young man's face gave me so much information about that moment with his dad. It was obvious that, months later, he was still feeling the impact of that exchange. He went on to say, "My dad could barely speak ... He just kept saying, 'I love you, over and over. He just kept saying 'I love you so much.'" I let him sit with his dad's words for some time, and then I asked, "How was your mom in that time?" His face changed; he chuckled and shifted. "She kept saying things like, 'Don't forget the mil