** This book is a memoir ** A naive young man named Brock Talon journeys to the World Headquarters of Jehovah's Witnesses in New York City, seeking a spiritual paradise. But things are not at all what he expects. Once there, he encounters a creature called The Hanger Man, a blubbery dude named Big Tex and a cute girl with epic breasts. He also chances upon the music icon Michael Jackson, an oddball named Mr. Coffee and various other denizens of that unique place called Bethel. Join Brock as he rubs shoulders with the powerful leaders of the faith, explores the mysteries of Armageddon, investigates the secrets of paradise and wrestles with the conundrum of sex, romance, drinking and sin. This nostalgic tell-all from the 1980s is an adventure that will keep you laughing and crying, as well as inspire you to reflect upon your own personal journey to God's House. Brock Talon's book is one of a kind, and the most enjoyable and entertaining book I've ever read about being a Jehovah's Witness. John A. Hoyle (WatchtowerWatch.com and AAWA.co) Anyone that has ever been a JW or knows one should read this. Very funny and brutally honest account of what it's like at Beth-hell... Eric Bottorff (JWStruggle YouTube Channel) Cast of characters: Brock Talon: The protagonist. A naive young Jehovah's Witness, seeking to better himself by giving his all to the faith. Big Tex: Large, blubbery, obnoxious guy who may or may not have been from Texas. Mary Mamms: Cute girl with Epic Breasts that seem to have a mind of their own. The Hanger Man: The most fearsome creature in all Betheldom: an ancient, mumbling shell of a man giving to raging against all young 'uns who have no respect. George Gangas: Governing Body member voted most likely to be played by Yoda. Fred Franz: Nearly blind, diminutive, woman adoring rock star Governing Body member. Dan Sydlik: Large, booming voiced Governing Body member with the young wife and a penchant for chocolate chip ice cream. Joe Schmo: Annoying self-righteous dude with his own agenda. Cutie Smith: Innocent JW girl looking for love, but protected by a shrew of a mother. Mr. Coffee: Nearly crazy, loud mouthed, full-time "apostate" whose life is dedicated to disrupting Bethelites as much as possible. RW: Short, pudgy, funny looking man around 40 years of age with a big bottom lip and a Napoleon complex, lofty eyes and a chip on his shoulder bigger than he is. Elder Pockface: College professor elder who discourages other JWs from going to college. Michael Jackson: Pop star who started out as a young straight black man from Gary Indiana, but who slowly turned himself into an old androgynous white woman from outer space. Charity: Princess-like young woman who knows what she wants, but doesn't really do much about it. This book is dedicated to all Jehovah's Witnesses, past or present, who have borne experiences similar to mine. It is my hope that in reading the story of my journey you will take solace in knowing that you are not alone in yours. ***This book is a memoir. It contains the author's present recollections of his experiences since childhood that have been described to the best of his ability, without any purposeful intent of altering factual occurrences. Certain names and identifying characteristics of people represented may have been changed. Certain incidents may have been compressed or reordered. Certain conversations may have been paraphrased. Excerpts from the book: Let's get this out of the way: you simply don't matter Since everybody in the tunnels were all Jehovah's Witnesses, most of them Bethelites, there was no need to smile or pretend to care about anybody they saw there. They all just scurried about like ants doing what ants do. You wouldn't see ants stopping to tell each other, "Hey Mac. How's it going at the hill?" "Oh, very nice thank you. I'm on my way there with this beetle leg. How are you handling that dead cricket?" No, ants didn't bother with that chit chat, and neither did Bethelites. Epic Breasts Now Mary was a nice girl and cute enough, though not beautiful. But then again, who cared about that? After all, she had those epic breasts. When we spoke alone in the congregation, we were never really alone, there was me, Mary, and her boobs, who were always butting in on the conversation; I tell you, those breasts were rude. They also seemed to be trying to jump out of her blouse... I loved and hated those breasts. Just beat it! The circumstance of my meeting Michael Jackson was a bit odd: It was in the men's restroom. I went into the restroom to do my business and in there was this small, frail, pimply faced black kid with scraggly hair. I really didn't notice him at first, but there he was, small as life, frightened to leave. The Hanger Men Also Die I began to fix my next hanger and tried to engage Brother Hanger Man in some conversation to pass the time. He just grunted at me.