This manuscript is regarding domestic abuse and how I survived and started a new life. I wanted to share my experiences and advice for others. I am a 63-year-old retired mother of 3 who wrote this book based on my actual journals from the first half of my life in which 20 years was spent with my abuser. This is meant to help others who may be like me and are in a bad abusive relationship and are not sure how they got there and if they should stay in it. I was able to get out of my first marriage and away from the abuse. It was not easy, but I am now very happily married a 2nd time, just lost pieces of me and won't put my heart on my sleeve ever again. The book contains the events in my life that lead me to meet my first real love who turned out to be a mentally and sometimes physically abusive man. How he was totally different when I met him and I could see what his issues were after he had me to himself, but after 19 years I was unable to help him get better, and I was losing myself by trying to stay with him. I must have angels watching over me, because I have been close to death around 7 times and describe them in this book. At least I have my 3 kids still and if it weren't for them, I would have given up and not had the strength to fight for myself to get a better life. I just wish there was a way to stop abusers from hurting those who love them, besides throwing them in jail. Leaving them may not to stop it, because many abusers continue their abuse, because they refuse to acknowledge their terrible behavior.. I think my ex learned his lesson afterwards, because he lost his really nice family. I would also like to thank my son Ryan for providing the drawing of my cover page.