In Love Cycles, veteran couples therapist Linda Carroll presents a groundbreaking model of the five natural stages of romantic relationships — the Merge, Doubt and Denial, Disillusionment, Decision, and Wholehearted Love — and a guide for navigating through them toward lasting love. Love Cycles helps readers understand where they are in the cycle of their relationship and provides a clear strategy for how to stay happy and committed, even in difficult times. In this dynamic guide to developing healthy relationships, Carroll, a couple's therapist, elaborates on the development of relationships by examining a common, fundamental problem among them--humans want to form connections but also maintain their independence.Carroll's interpretation is highly relatable: it is at once a relationship book as well as a sort of self-help. Readers looking to experience a rewarding relationship will also come away with a better sense of self. ( Sept .)Reviewed on: 07/07/2014 Release date: 09/01/2014 Publishers Weekly Linda Carroll , MS, has worked as a couples therapist for over thirty years. She teaches workshops throughout the United States and also at Rancho La Puerta in Tecate, Mexico, several times a year. Linda lives in Corvallis, Oregon, with her veterinarian husband and their Jack Russell terrier. She has five children and ten grandchildren. Love Cycles The Five Essential Stages of Lasting Love By Linda Carroll New World Library Copyright © 2014 Linda Carroll All rights reserved. ISBN: 978-1-60868-300-0 Contents Foreword by Sam Keen, xv, Introduction, i, Chapter 1. The Merge, 7, Chapter 2. Doubt and Denial, 19, Chapter 3. Six Essential Skills, 31, Chapter 4. Disillusionment, 55, Chapter 5. Seven Normal Troubles, 65, Chapter 6. Decision, 77, Chapter 7. Couple on the Edge, 97, Chapter 8. Our Sexual Cycles, 111, Chapter 9. The Fine Art of Differentiation, 127, Chapter 10. Wholehearted Loving: The Barriers, 145, Chapter 11. Wholehearted Loving: The Bridges, 167, Chapter 12. Love Is an Inside Job, 191, What Love Stage Are You In?: A Quick Quiz by Pepper Schwartz and Linda Carroll, 199, Acknowledgments, 205, Endnotes, 209, Index, 219, About the Author, 227, CHAPTER 1 THE MERGE An oceanic feeling, when everything comes together, oneself, everyone else, the world, and divinity, it is like the feeling that you get when you stare out at the infinite reach of the ocean: it is a little frightening, but it is also awe-inspiring and exhilarating. —William James, The Varieties of Religious Experience To fall in love feels more miraculous than anything I know. Life is infused with magic and fresh meaning. During this first giddy stage of intimacy, new lovers merge, much like a mother and her newborn child. Boundaries melt away, and the sense of "we-ness" is all there is. Our similarities seem profound, our conversations endless. If anything threatens to point out our differences, we rush to rationalize it, convinced that our beloved's qualities and quirks are just the "right" differences. Okay, so he barely talked to my friends tonight, but that's because he listens so well! I plan everything, but she's so spontaneous—just what I need to get out of my rigid rut. Our similarities excite us, no matter how obscure. We both loved the same song in the seventh grade. We both have always wanted a golden Pekingese, and we both harbor a secret desire to climb Machu Picchu. It all becomes evidence that we are about as perfect as two human beings can be for each other. In many ways, the advent of love is a transcendent experience. There is sacredness in this first stage; it is not simply an illusion. We are truly able to sense the other's spirit. Just as important, we experience our own brightest light. One of the most marvelous aspects of this stage is not only the idealized way we see our partner but the new, more laudable way we see ourselves. Listening closely comes easily to us, as does giving the ideal response. Our patience seems eternal, our interest in the other boundless. Who knew that we possessed such generosity, such largeness of spirit? How delightful it feels to live with an open heart, bountiful compassion, and unconditional care. In the shelter of our love bubble, it's easy to think we can float in such pure happiness forever. Yet no matter how strong the bond may become later, the exhilaration of early love isn't sustainable. Somehow, each of us must find our way back to ourselves. Charlie and Megan: An Oceanic Start They make a striking pair. Megan, a high-level health-care administrator with a sharp-edged, regal beauty, is the sort of woman people might describe as an "ice princess." Charlie, a pediatrician, is the kind of big, shambling man whose gentle friendliness puts people instantly at ease. It's no surprise that children love him. Megan remembers the first time Charlie walked into her office to introduce himself as a new member of the hospital staff.