Meet Da Marvelous McCall. Kingpin. Entrepreneur. Legend. And possibly the worst businessman in history. He runs five businesses simultaneously: a nightclub where the drinks are watered down, a dispensary that keeps catching fire, a laundromat with "creative" plumbing, a barber shop where haircuts are more prayer than precision, and a church where his father preaches about fiscal responsibility while Da Marvelous does the exact opposite in the basement. His criminal goat Larry has mastered the art of grand larceny. His accountant Cherry keeps threatening to quit (but never does). His cousin Tito communicates primarily through panic. And his archnemesis Madame Pancake is planning the wedding of the century—with a tent that may or may not have "FRANK WAS HERE" written on it. But something's not quite right in Da Marvelous's empire. The money moves in ways that defy mathematics. His employees seem to exist in a state of permanent chaos that borders on the surreal. And no matter how catastrophically things go wrong, Da Marvelous keeps waking up each morning convinced he's the greatest businessman since Andrew Carnegie—if Andrew Carnegie had worn purple suits and bathed in Crown Royal. Then there's the pigeon. The pigeon that started everything. The pigeon that might explain everything. The pigeon that has more Instagram followers than some humans and recently signed a book deal that makes Da Marvelous unreasonably jealous. Perfect for readers who love: Absurdist comedy that sneaks up and punches you in the feelings - Unreliable narrators who are VERY confident despite being VERY wrong - Found family dynamics (if your family includes a criminal goat and a mechanical dove named Eduardo) - Stories that make you laugh until you cry, then cry for real - Donald Goines meets Airplane! meets The Wizard of Oz - Books where the phrase "allegedly sold cocaine to a mechanical dove" appears in a legal context From the world of Lampert x Griffin Urban Universe™ comes a comedy about: What makes someone truly successful (spoiler: it's not money or power) - The difference between the person you pretend to be and the person you are - Why sometimes the wildest fantasy is easier than facing real life - And whether you can build something real on a foundation of absolute nonsense WARNING: Contains One extremely criminal goat (unionized) - Excessive use of Crown Royal for non-drinking purposes - A dispensary fire that may or may not involve a toaster - Mathematical impossibilities presented as business strategy - Danny DeVito cardboard cutout (allegedly stolen) - Profound life lessons delivered by people in purple tracksuits - A wedding that redefines "organized chaos" - References to churros that become emotionally significant - Zero business advice you should actually follow - And a twist that will make you want to immediately reread the entire book "The pigeon won the battle, but we won the war—by being ourselves."