The King, fighting in the Holy Land, is disgusted with the quality of the troops being sent out to him. He sends a trusted Lord to his Father's most loyal, retired Knights to offer an inducement for them to train the next troops that will be sent out. The present commander, Lord L'arduce, is completely useless at training. Lord Peter is joined by his sons, Peter and Phillip, his father-in-law Battleaxe Bill, his cousin Peter - a Knight of Knights who won the title by beating the King in combat and his son Sean. He sends out a message to Joe the Irish archer and Matthew and John the siege experts to meet him at the training camp in Commondown. Lord L'arduce, along with his cronies, is determined to put him down at every opportunity but Lord Peter manages to win over all the troops and turns them into a fighting force to be reckoned with. En-route to the Holy Land a fierce storm sends their ship off course and they do battle with a feared pirate captain, Hell Sid, who is soundly beaten. In Malta, the home of the Knights Templar, L'arduce tries to undermine Lord Peter again only to find out that they had fought together with the Knights in the last major crusade and were firm friends. They inform Lord Peter that things aren't going too well as a fanatical army, the Seltuks, are fighting independently, away from the Sultan's overall rule. They have Kamakazi, suicide bombers who ignite their own passing wind with candles hidden under their flowing robes, causing death and destruction. The Duke of York banned all those wearing long robes from taverns used by allied troops after a rather crisp pair of testicles landed on his dinner plate. In the Holy Land they are asked to open the Meridian Gate, the gateway of trade across the middle east. When they arrive they find the siege is being led by Flemish troops who Lord Peters comrades decide are hopeless until they see the task before them. The Flemish wish them luck and leave for home. Due to non payment for the siege equipment Siege-R-Us demand its return. Worse was to come when they find out that the citadels commander is Dextrius, a formidable foe and a long time friend but loyal to his Sultan. He informs Lord Peter that his wife, Jacqueline, and mother-in-law, Rose, are on their way. Jacqueline, a great admirer of Roman engineering, suggests a way of breeching this impenetrable fortress. The situation worsens when they are told the Seltuks are marching towards them. The instigators of this latest crusade, they were increasing in numbers due to their successful campaigns and death threats. Could skill and cunning can save the day