A clinical psychologist draws on her years of experience with patients to show how perfectionism can cause depression, low self-esteem, and other problems and leads readers through a comprehensive program designed to release them from its grip. 20,000 first printing. R. Reid Wilson author of Don't Panic: Taking Control of Anxiety Attacks Finally, someone who understands the fear, pain, and exhaustion caused by the pursuit of perfection. If you think that too many things must be "just right," that flaws are intolerable, that imperfections or mistakes lead to rejection and worthlessness, then here is a top-notch book for you. Never Good Enough will be a gold standard in the field. -- Review Monica Ramirez Basco, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, researcher, author, and lecturer. A professor at the University of Texas Medical Center in Dallas, she lives in Dallas, Texas. From Chapter One: ARE YOU A PERFECTIONIST? Susan had been working frantically for the last month trying to get her end-of-the-year books in order, keep the business running, and plan a New Year's Eve party for her friends and her clients. A few of her friends who have been supportive of Susan's interior design business were going to bring along some potential clients. Susan's home is a reflection of her talent as a designer, so she wanted to make some changes to the formal dining room before the party that she thought would be particularly impressive. It all came together in time for the party and the evening seemed to be going well, until her assistant, Charles, asked her if Mrs. Beale and Mr. Sandoval, two important clients, had arrived. Mrs. Beale had a small antique shop in town and had referred Susan a lot of business over the past two years. Mr. Sandoval was a member of the local Chamber of Commerce and had shown interest in Susan's business. Susan felt like her head was about to explode when she realized that she had forgotten to invite them to the party. "Oh no, I completely forgot. How could I be so stupid? What am I going to do? They'll no doubt hear about it from someone and will assume I omitted them on purpose. I am such an idiot. I may as well kiss the business good-bye. When the word gets out, no one will want to refer to me again." "Susan, don't you think you may be overreacting a little." Charles tried to be supportive, but deep down inside he was glad he hadn't been the one to make such an awful mistake. For the rest of the night she held her breath waiting for her other clients to ask about Mrs. Beale and Mr. Sandoval. What would she say? That she was a thoughtless numbskull who neglected to invite a former client who referred a substantial amount of business to her each year? Even worse, what will she say when Mrs. Beale and Mr. Sandoval confront her with her rudeness. Ten different excuses ran through her mind, but she ultimately chose to avoid them and their wrath. Susan is an inwardly focused perfectionist. Although it can help her in her work, it also hurts her when she is hard on herself and finds error completely unacceptable. Like many people, she worries about what others will think of her and her business. However, in Susan's case her errors lead to humiliation, distress, sleepless nights, and withdrawal from others. She has trouble letting go and forgiving herself because, in her mind, it is OK for others to make mistakes, but it is not OK for her to make mistakes. This book was written to help people like Susan stop beating themselves up and, instead, make the most of their skills as a perfectionist. Tom is an outwardly focused perfectionist. He feels OK about himself, but he is often disappointed in and frustrated with others who seem to always let him down. Quality control is his line of work, but he cannot always turn it off when he leaves the office. Tom drove into his garage to find that there was still a mess on the workbench and floor that his son, Tommy, had left two days ago. He walked through the door and said to his wife in an annoyed tone of voice, "I told Tommy to clean up his mess in the garage before I got home." "He just got home himself a few minutes ago," his wife defended. "Where is he now? He better not be on the phone." Tom went to his son's room only to find Tommy on the phone with his girlfriend. Tom could feel himself tensing up. "Get off the phone and go clean up that mess in the garage like I told you." "Yes, sir." Tommy got off the phone, knowing that a lecture was coming. Tom cannot understand why his son cannot follow simple instructions. It seems like every day there is something new. He doesn't listen, his wife doesn't take care of things on time, and the burden usually falls on him. There is always an excuse. Even when they do their parts it usually isn't good enough and they don't seem to care. It is so frustrating for Tom sometimes that he does the job himself rather than ask for help, just so he doesn't have to deal with their procrastination and exc