Bill Maher is on the forefront of the new wave of comedians who influence and shape political debate through their comedy. He is best known not just for being funny, but for advocating truth over sensitivity and taking on the political establishment. Maher first came to national attention as the host of the hit ABC-TV program Politically Incorrect , where he offered a combustible mixture of irreverence and acerbic humor that helped him to garner a loyal following, as well as a reputation for being a controversial bad boy. Bill Maher's popular new HBO television show, Real Time , has put Maher more front and center than ever before. Particularly one regular segment on the show, entitled "New Rules," has been a hit with his ever-growing legion of fans. It is the part of the show during which Maher takes serious aim, bringing all of his intelligence, incisiveness, wit, and his signature exasperation to bear on topics ranging from cell phones ("I don't need my cell phone to take pictures or access the Internet. I just need it to make a phone call. From everywhere! Not just the places it likes!") to fast food ("No McDonald's in hospitals. I'm not kidding!) to the conservative agenda ("Stop claiming it's an agenda. It's not an agenda. It's a random collection of laws that your corporate donors paid you to pass."). His bestselling book, New Rules , brings these brilliantly conceived riffs and rants to the written page. This new edition of the book, in paperback for the first time, also features some brand-new material not found in the hardcover. BILL MAHER is one of the most politically astute humorists in America today. His unflinching honesty has garnered him 18 Emmy nominations—and the respect and admiration of millions of fans. His previous books include Does Anybody Have a Problem with That? and When You Ride ALONE You Ride with bin Laden , which was a New York Times bestseller. BILL MAHER A NEW RULES A Perfect Cliche NEW RULE Stop calling it a "perfect storm" when two bad things happen at the same time. Sometimes it's just some crap happening at the same time as some other crap. Let's go back to what we used to call it before that movie about George Clooney and his epic struggle to kill more tuna: Shit happens. AND NEW RULE I don't care that your phone takes pictures. It's a phone, not a Swiss Army knife. Great, now the annoying camera buff and the annoying cell phone prick can merge as one guy. Hey, if you can figure out how to make that "camera phone" play country-western music real loud, we could call it "a perfect storm of assholes." A Suit and Battery NEW RULE Now that you've won and you're safe, you have to tell us: What the hell was that thing on your back during the debate? AARP Yours NEW RULE Stop fucking with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle--it's square, with a bigger label, and the top is now the bottom. And by the time Grandpa figures out how to open it, his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you've just solved the Social Security crisis. Abigail Van Buried NEW RULE Dead people can't write advice columns. Dear Abby has been dead for years, yet she continues her daily syndicated column. If I want to hear what a corpse thinks, I'll read Robert Novak. Abu Grab-Ass NEW RULE Lynndie England and Charles Graner should not be sentenced to jail. They should be photographed performing sex acts, stacked in a pile of naked people, and stripped of their dignity. Or as it's better known here, The Real World. Accessories after the Fact NEW RULE Martha Stewart does not need an electronic ankle bracelet. There's a caravan of news vans on her driveway, choppers overhead, and paparazzi with telephoto lenses in the trees--where the hell is she gonna go? Plus, what sense does it make to remand a "home diva" to her home? That's like sentencing Kirstie Alley to check in nightly at IHOP. Ad-Nauseum NEW RULE Stop running TV ads I don't understand. I'm not sure if IBM's latest is advertising weapons of mass destruction or stool softener. Then there's the one with clouds moving in fast motion, some Buddhist monks on a cell phone, and James Earl Jones saying, "We're the world leader in virtual network upstream data retrieval." What?! Hey, fuck you. I watch TV to see bimbos marry strangers for money. If I want to be confused, I'll take mushrooms. Alter, Boys NEW RULE The Catholic Church needs to change its name to Tollhouse Cookies. A new study reveals the tally of Catholic priests who've been accused of molestation in the United States is approaching 5,000, which means it's time to change the name and start over. That's what Phillip Morris did when their name became synonymous with lung cancer--they became the good people at the Altria company. Kentucky Fried Chicken wanted you to forget the "fried" part and became KFC. So how 'bout it, Roman Catholic Church--or should I say "RCC"? Anchors Away NEW RULE Stop calling the media "elite" and "