• Fans love Paula Deen: Paula Deen: It Ain’t About the Cookin’ spent over 3 months on the New York Times bestseller list: there are over 500,000 hardcovers in print. . • A superstar author: Paula Deen is an American icon. She is one of the most popular hosts on the Food Network and with more than 6 million books in print, an expanding restaurant empire, her own line of furniture, cookware, and tableware, Paula’s fame and retail power will only continue to grow.. • Rags-to-riches, the real Paula Deen: Starting with only $200 and plenty of faith and courage, Paula achieved success beyond her wildest dreams. She speaks to readers as frankly about her struggles along the way, including her difficult first marriage and her battle with agoraphobia. . • Fairy tale marriage: Paula gives all the details on the romance with tugboat captain Michael Groover that ?captured the hearts of fans across the country. . Paula Deen is the bestselling author of eighteen books and an Emmy Award–winning Food Network television star. She was born and raised in Albany, Georgia. She later moved to Savannah, where she started The Bag Lady catering company. The business took off and evolved into The Lady & Sons restaurant, which is located in Savannah’s historic district and specializes in Southern cooking. She also co-owns Uncle Bubba’s Oyster House with her brother. Paula publishes a bimonthly magazine, Cooking with Paula Deen, and is a regular guest on QVC, where she sells her books and food products. Sherry Suib Cohen has written twenty-one books for major publishers and was a contributing editor at McCall's , Rosie , New Woman , and Lifetime magazines. She regularly writes for periodicals, including Parade , Family Circle , Redbook , Reader's Digest , and Ladies' Home Journal . Cohen is an award-winning member of the American Society of Journalists and Authors and lives with her husband, Larry, in New York City. She makes a great soup. Chapter 1 TERROR WITH NO NAME What did I have, what was makin' me so scared that my heart about beat out of my chest? I just knew I was gonna die, knew my heart couldn't stand this kind of pressure, and it had happened too many times before. Almost every last time I had to go outside by myself, that panic would start in and drop me to my knees. Couldn't breathe, couldn't stop trembling. I felt weak and nauseated and dizzy, and I just knew I was gonna die in front of other people. If I dropped over in public, think how horribly humiliatin' it would be. But, oh Lord, the magnolias smelled so damn good out my window, and all morning I'd been fixin' to take my eleven-year-old son, Jamie, to baseball practice. After, I figured I'd hang out at the mall store in the housewares section, then maybe go strollin' for a bit, just to breathe deep some of that sweet Georgia air. I wanted to walk through my door so bad and maybe today I could do it; maybe today I could go outside. There would be no breathin' deep, no goin' outside . The thought of outside grabbed my gut like a 'coon grabs a chicken. I started to sweat and my arms lost all feeling, like they belonged on someone else. At the very least, I was likely to faint at any moment. Would there be someone to see me, someone who would catch me if one of those panicky attacks came back and I lost control and fainted outside ? Oh, my stars, I was frightened silly. It was 1978, and I was thirty-one years old. Was this the day I was finally going to die, the day I'd secretly been waiting for and dreading ever since my daddy passed almost thirteen years ago now? Well, maybe not, if I stopped thinking of going outside. You're safe, Paula , I told myself. You're safe inside this house. No one's makin' you go out, you won't die today. Fact is -- don't you remember -- y'all canceled the boys' after-school stuff for the whole year. What sickness did I have? What had happened to me? My terror had no name -- least none I'd ever heard. I was alone with it. So scared about goin' outside . It wasn't always this way. Copyright © 2007 by Paula Deen Foreword I never call myself a chef. Never went to Chef School. Never made a Blanquette de Veau. Never met a boxed cake mix I didn't like. I'm a cook. Learned at my grandmomma's stove. But I can cook, honey, cook rings around those tall-white-hatted chefs. My fried chicken, my grits -- oh my stars, you'll think you died and went to heaven. Like everyone else on this earth, there's a story behind the cook, behind the recipes, behind the woman. So, y'all, here is what the publisher calls my memoirs. How did they come about? Well, I've written five cookbooks, and after each one, I got thousands of letters from people asking about my personal life, not just my life with grits. Until now, I haven't been about ready to do that. Maybe if you heard the truth about Paula Deen, about the mistakes I made in my life, how bad my judgment's been at times, and how guilty I still feel because