The Rebel Housewife Rules is a whole new set of rules for today's housewives. The book contains 38 short chaptersfour pages each--because that is about all that a mom can read locked in the bathroom with a three-year-old while the dog vomits outside the door. Each chapter: Exposes a myth about being a housewife: "Compared to an outside career, taking care of a house and family--and myself--will be a breeze." Reveals the reality behind the myth: "My husband comes home to a disheveled wife, a disaster of a house, and laundry all over the stairs." - Lays down a new rule: "Your day will never go as planned." - And offers a rule Rx, a prescription for real domestic happiness: "Be proud of your most important accomplishments every day." Following the often hilarious adventures and advice of Rebel Housewives Sherri Caldwell and Vicki Todd, readers learn to be themselves, get what they want, and love in new and deeper ways. Sherri and Vicki share their hardwon wisdom in this "survivors' guide" to momhood, housecleaning, budgets, selfcare, and love after kids and babies. Bottom line? Happiness is more important than passing the whiteglove test. In The Rebel Housewife Rules , the recently engaged, new brides, or longmarried wives find the courage to live by the greatest housewife rule of all: "Live, Love, and Laugh, one day at a time, baby." Sherri Caldwell and Vicki Todd are wives, mothers, best friends, and former neighbors. Sherri lives in Atlanta, Georgia, and Vicki recently moved to Hong Kong. Todd wrote How to Cook for Your Man & Still Want to Look at Him Naked. Caldwell has written internal business training and marketing publications for several large companies. Sherri Caldwell and Vicki Todd are wives, mothers, best friends, and former neighbors. Sherri lives in Atlanta, Georgia, and Vicki recently moved to Hong Kong. Todd wrote How to Cook for Your Man & Still Want to Look at Him Naked. Caldwell has written internal business training and marketing publications for several large companies. Rebel Housewife Rules To Heck with Domestic Bliss By SHERRI CALDWELL, VICKI TODD Red Wheel/Weiser, LLC Copyright © 2004 Sherri Caldwell and Vicki Todd All rights reserved. ISBN: 978-1-57324-956-0 Contents AcknowledgmentsA Note to Our ReadersIntroduction: The Greatest Myth of AllPART ONE Happily Ever AfterCHAPTER 1 His, Mine, & OursCHAPTER 2 Training DayCHAPTER 3 New Career ChoicesCHAPTER 4 Outlaws & Other BaggageCHAPTER 5 Monday Morning FleeCHAPTER 6 What Did You Do All Day?CHAPTER 7 The Great EscapeCHAPTER 8 The Fires of PassionPART TWO And Baby Makes ThreeCHAPTER 9 No, You Are Not ReadyCHAPTER 10 You Get What You GetCHAPTER 11 Home Is Where the Toddler Should BeCHAPTER 12 Girls: Sugar & Spice, Everything Nice?CHAPTER 13 Boys: You'll Always Be My BabyCHAPTER 14 The Truth about ToysCHAPTER 15 Reflections of Perfect ParentingPART THREE The Perfect FamilyCHAPTER 16 Like Cats and DogsCHAPTER 17 Civil War at HomeCHAPTER 18 Short-Order CookCHAPTER 19 The Psychology of MoneyCHAPTER 20 Too Much Time TogetherCHAPTER 21 Christmas & Other Blessed EventsCHAPTER 22 Flying HighPART FOUR Life in the VillageCHAPTER 23 Empty NestersCHAPTER 24 The Social Life of MomsCHAPTER 25 OPMs (Other People's Monsters)CHAPTER 26 It's a Strange, Strange WorldCHAPTER 27 Making the GradeCHAPTER 28 Mental Health DaysPART FIVE Men, Sex, & Other FantasiesCHAPTER 29 Sex, Lies, & VideotapeCHAPTER 30 Who Said Bigger Is Better?CHAPTER 31 Things with CordsCHAPTER 32 Housewife FantasyCHAPTER 33 A Whole Lotta Money, HoneyPART SIX How She Does ItCHAPTER 34 Kahlua in My CoffeeCHAPTER 35 Little White LiesCHAPTER 36 Mom Knows AllCHAPTER 37 Mommy DearestCHAPTER 38 Mom's GetawayA Final Note: Keeping it All in PerspectiveAre You a Rebel Housewife?About the Authors CHAPTER 1 His, Mine, & Ours The Myth: Combining two separate lives will be a snap. His, mine, and ours. United as one, isn't that in the vows? That's fine, as longas it's understood that we use my stuff. When we move into our first hometogether, he won't mind when I toss his college furniture. The beer-ridden futondoesn't go with my Laura Ashley décor. He will eventually learn to appreciategood wine; he won't even miss his around-the world beer mug collection. I willneed a lot of closet space, so those old college jerseys have to go. My new husband will be so thoughtful, so in love with me. He won't care when Iborrow his things, like his razor. I'm always out of blades, and I love thefoaming bubbles his shaving cream makes—oh those gloriously smooth legs!Sleeping in his dress shirt feels so good; it will keep me close to him when heis out of town. Somehow I never have any socks, but not to worry, I'll just wearhis. Uniting our money will be a good thing, for there will surely be more to spend.I'll gladly let him take care of the finances. I've got a little debt cominginto the union, but he won't mind. With his understanding nature and savvyfinancial skills, we wo