Stories abound of Wall Street’s foul creatures focused on nothing but making money. Satan’s spoiled unfeeling children fueling the destruction to the world. That description is a bit weak and perhaps a bit simplistic, but not all that far off; and I might just know, as I am one of them. My name is Evin, and I am an investment banker. Yes, I’m one of the guys on Wall Street doing billion dollar deals seeking the obscene personal wealth that comes with it. In this world that personal wealth is called ‘F - You Money’. It is the amount of money that defines you as a person and allows you to say F -You to anyone and everyone including co-workers, family, friends, officials, and just about everyone who isn’t carrying a gun. If it sounds crazy, it is. I work in the business and I don’t really get it, and I probably never will. You see, I am a really bad I-banker. This isn’t the story of one of the brilliant and motivated Harvard grads who get placed at the top of the heap by daddy or one of his friends; this is the story of what it is like to be one of the 99% that play in the mud and never make it to the top. The coal miners of Wall Street. The guys who sign up to be used. For every one success, there are thousands of us who live ambiguous pathetic lives. Like gamblers, the occasional victory keeps us playing this game, but overall, the lifestyle sucks and we often wonder what it would be like to be the schoolteacher with normal hours and a pension. This is the true story of one of the wretched losers, written with some pride and much regret for wasted time chasing F You Money.