Growing up should not have been this chaotic. Surviving it should not have been this funny. Remembering it should not hit this hard. Meet Sev Kelkers: a hyperwired, chaos-powered kid with the reflexes of a caffeinated ferret and the impulse control of a shopping cart with one bad wheel. He was not the golden child. He was not even the bronze. He was the kid who ran toward the fire alarm, accidentally took over classrooms, broke up fights he never started, and somehow kept surviving every disaster life tossed at him. Now, as an adult with creaky knees, real bills, and a brain that still refuses to quiet down, Sev looks back on seven absolute catastrophes. These are the calamatastrophes. Not the sentimental memories. Not the sanitized coming-of-age highlights. These are the moments when life fell apart just long enough for him to hold it together without thinking. Inside these stories, you will find: • A school fire where Sev becomes an action hero no one requested. • A substitute teacher meltdown so intense he ends up teaching biology. • A cafeteria food war where Sev calmly grocery shops in the middle of it. • A bully whose punches Sev catches like he is bored. • A hill, a shopping cart, and one legendary ride into adulthood. This collection is not just a reel of panic, bravery, bad decisions, and accidental brilliance. It is a raw and often hilarious look at ADHD from the inside. The youthful energy that looked like trouble. The instinctive clarity that only appeared when everything went wrong. The adult realization that maybe the kid he used to be understood the world better than anyone knew. Sev does not try to fix his younger self. He does not apologize for him either. That kid, the loud one, the fast one, the soot-covered, sugar-fueled one, was not broken. He was unfinished. He was a prototype. Chaos was not his enemy. It was the one place where the world finally matched his pace. Seven Kelkers and the Seven Calamatastrophes speaks to anyone who grew up weird, wild, out of place, too much, too loud, or constantly scrambling to look calm in a world that never stopped shaking them. It speaks to anyone who looks back at their childhood and thinks, How did I survive that, and why am I still proud of it? Funny, honest, and painfully relatable, this book carries you from childhood mayhem into the unhinged challenges of adulthood. Housing bubbles. Pandemics. Burnout. Politics. Debt. The exhausting grind of trying to stay afloat in a world that forgot to hand out instructions. By the final page, Sev reaches one simple truth: You cannot fix the kid you were. You can only build on what he survived. And sometimes he leaves behind one remarkable blueprint.