Ever needed to communicate or even collaborate with someone who just didn't agree with you or see things as you did? Think there's only two options: their way to your way? Barrera and Kramer propose a third option inclusive of both ways. They present an approach that goes beyond "both-and" to arrive at a third option: Skilled Dialogue, a field-tested series of strategies that can transform contradictory interactions into complementary ones. Readers will learn how to - build mutually complementary relationships that honor difference - access and mine the strengths of differences - explore multiple ways of creating mutually satisfying options without the need for compromise - apply the six Skilled Dialogue strategies in ways that generate respect (i.e., honor identity), reciprocity (i.e., honor voice) and responsiveness (i.e., honor connection) Case examples and sample scenarios allow readers to practice what they've learned and provide them with models for their own interactions. An invaluable resource for all who interact across differences, whether professionally or personally, this book will help readers to resolve interactional challenges in ways that allow differences to enhance outcomes rather than detract from them. Skilled Dialogue Authentic Communication and Collaboration Across Diverse Perspectives By Isaura Barrera, Lucinda Kramer Balboa Press Copyright © 2017 Isaura Barrera, Ph.D. & Lucinda Kramer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. ISBN: 978-1-5043-8545-9 Contents PART I: DIFFERENCES, Introduction, 1, Chapter 1: Diversity, 7, Chapter 2: Paradox, 18, Chapter 3: Dialogue and Skilled Dialogue, 24, PART II: SKILLED DIALOGUE ELEMENTS, Chapter 4: Skilled Dialogue Dispositions: Leveraging the Power of the Other and the Power of Paradox, 37, Chapter 5: Honoring Identity through the Strategies of Welcoming and Allowing, 49, Chapter 6: Establishing Reciprocity through Sense-making and Appreciating, 61, Chapter 7: Being Responsive: Joining and Harmonizing, 70, PART III: PRACTICE, Chapter 8: Getting the Hang of Paradox and 3rd Space, 81, Chapter 9: Getting the Hang of Skilled Dialogue Strategies, 93, Chapter 10: Putting It All Together, 103, Chapter 11: Skilled Dialogue Forms, 126, References, 135, Endnotes, 139, CHAPTER 1 Diversity "In embracing the diversity of human beings, we will find a surer way to be happy" (Gladwell, 2006) It is so much easier to communicate and collaborate with people who agree with us or are at least willing to listen to our opinions and perspectives without argument or disagreement. Yet, we cannot simply exclude those who disagree with us from our lives. Often, they are family, friends, neighbors, colleagues, and people we supervise or who supervise us. At times, they may even be the same person, on our side on certain topics and strongly "against" us on others. At other times they may be individuals with whom we must work closely for short periods of time. As a non-tenured beginning faculty at a university there were often senior faculty who did not agree with me (Barrera) or see things as I did. I wanted to keep my job; at the same time I did not want to lose my voice. The tension between these two goals inspired the early development of Skilled Dialogue. I wondered if it was possible to honor my own views without disregarding others that seemed to contradict them. Were most of your words negative or positive? Were words like "enriching" or "connecting" on your list of words? Why or why not? Diversity of perspectives, opinions, beliefs or values all too often tends to be associated more with division and diminishment than with connection and enrichment. Yet, how we respond to diversity in any given interaction is more the function of how we understand it than of the presence of differences. Two aspects in particular are important to the understanding of diversity: what we believe to be its nature and what we believe are its roots or source. How we address these can determine whether our dialogue with others is skilled enough to enrich and connect us across our differences or not. The nature of diversity Diversity is commonly thought of as an objective attribute. In reality, however, diversity is a relational attribute. That is, it does not exist within a person (e.g., this or that person is diverse) but rather lives in the relational space between persons (e.g., that person is diverse from me ). People (or communities) can only be diverse in reference to a designated group or individual who is also of necessity diverse from them. A man, for example, would be considered diverse (in regard to his gender) in comparison to a woman or group of women. On the other hand, he would not be considered similarly diverse in comparison to another man or group of men. "In a galaxy, the space between two flickering stars ... contains a gravitational pull that shapes their relationship" (Shapiro, 2017, p. 9). Anagolously, it is how people pe