In Take the Bully by the Horns, Sam Horn offers simple, prescriptive verbal techniques for dealing with bullies. How often have you wished you knew how to defuse the difficult people who wreak havoc on your life? Whether it's a neighbor who keeps disturbing your peace, an employer who manipulates you into unpaid overtime, a spouse who criticizes and controls your every move, a colleague who uses scare tactics to intimidate you, or a student who teases your child without mercy, Take the Bully by the Horns will give you real-life strategies stop people from taking advantage of you, including how to: * Adopt a "don't you dare" attitude * Refuse to play The Blame-Shame Game * Beat em to the punch...line * Stop paying the price of nice * Put all kidding aside * Act on your anger instead of suffering in silence * Savior Self from martyrs and guilt-mongers * Not be victimized by crazy-making Jekyll/Hyde personalities * Adopt the Clarity Rules and Rights With these tools, you can take back your peace of mind and your sanity. You'll be able to fight back constructively and prevent harassment by bullies, from the workplace to the schoolyard. The bold suggestions in Take the Bully by the Horns will show you once and for all how to convince unfair or unkind relatives, co-workers, customers, or strangers to either behave cooperatively or leave you alone. “I believe this book is a valuable resource for anyone who has ever been victimized.” ― Sal Severe, Ph.D, author of How to Behave So Your Children Will, Too Sam Horn , president of Action Seminars, has presented her real-life workshops to more than 400,000 people since 1981. Her impressive client list includes Young Presidents Organization, National Governors Association, Hewlett-Packard, Four Seasons Resort, the Fortune 500 Forum, the US Navy, and the IRS. She was the top rated speaker at both the 1996 and 1998 International Platform Association conventions in Washington DC, and is the emcee of the world-renowned Maui Writers Conference. She is the author of Tongue Fu!, What's Holding You Back?, and ConZentrate , which have been featured in Readers Digest, The Washington Post, Chicago Tribune, Cosmopolitan, Entertainment Weekly, Family Circle, Bottom Line Personal , and Executive Female , to name a few. She is a frequent media guest who has appeared on numerous TV and radio shows, including "To Tell the Truth" and NPR's popular "Diane Rehm Show." She lives with her sons Tom and Andrew in Virginia. Take the Bully by the Horns Stop Unethical, Uncooperative, or Unpleasant People from Running and Ruining Your Life By Sam Horn St. Martin's Griffin Copyright © 2003 Sam Horn All right reserved. ISBN: 9780312320225 TAKE THE BULLY BY THE HORNSWay I. Bully for You? At the age of four with paper hats and wooden swords we are all generals--only some of us never grow out of it. --PETER USTINOV A WOMAN SAID, "WHEN I THINK OF BULLIES, I PICTURE SOMEONE like Bluto out of the Popeye cartoon. You know, a big brute with hairy arms and bulging biceps. Is that what you're talking about?" Nope, that's not what we're talking about. Bullies don't necessarily wear black hats or have bulging biceps. They come in all shapes, sizes, genders, ages, and professions. Ninety-year-old grannies can be bullies. Ministers can be bullies. Coaches can be bullies. A bully is someone who knowingly abuses the rights of others to gain control of the situation and the individual(s) involved. Bullies deliberately and persistently use intimidation and manipulation to get their way. The key words here are knowingly, deliberately, and persistently. All of us are difficult on occasion. Bullies are difficult on purpose. We may be uncooperative or unpleasant in particular situations. Bullies are uncooperative and unpleasant as part of their strategy. Most of us respond to reasonable efforts to get along. Bullies reject reasonable efforts to get along because they don't want a win-win--they want to win. Bullies Aim Below the Belt He couldn't see a belt without hitting below it. --MARGOT ASQUITH The following questionnaire can help you determine whether a challenging individual in your life qualifies as a bona fide bully. The question is, does s/he hit below the ethical belt accidentally or aim below the ethical belt intentionally? If you are dealing with several difficult individuals, take the time to fill this out separately for each one. Answer the questions, rating the frequency of these behaviors from 1 (Rarely) to 3 (Occasionally) to 5 (Often). Go with your instinct. Your first answer is usually the most honest because it comes from the gut, not the intellect. 35 or below: This individual is not a bully. He/she may be unpleasant to deal with once in a while; however, win-win communication on your part will enable the two of you to coexist cooperatively most of the time. 36-55: This person may occasionally exhibit bully behavior. You may need to escalate your response in those