Changing into a Muppet has really turned Danvers Blickensderfer's life upside down . . . literally! That's him dangling above a toilet at the hands of Beebus Spracklin, the biggest thug in school. This creep is the Picasso of insults, swirlys, and wedgies and Danvers is his canvas. But he's messin' with the wrong kid! Not only is Danvers the heart throb star of Kermit's upcoming band camp movie musical, he's also a secret . . . superhero? That's right, Danvers is convinced that his Muppetmorphosis has bestowed on him extraordinary powers-now he'll need Gonzo, Miss Piggy and the gang's help to figure out what the heck those powers could possibly be! Can Danvers balance being a caped crusader and a tween crooner? Or, will the bully behemoth drive him out of his own school into the open wings of Sam Eagle's Talent Academy? And what's with the mysterious green light at the edge of Custardcrust Swamp? Kirk Scroggs is one quarter Muppet by birth. As a child, he used his Pigs in Space lunch box for so long, his mom finally declared it a rusty, toxic health hazard and gave it to his little brother. Originally from Austin, Texas, Kirk now lives in Los Angeles where he enjoys doodling, spray tans, and writing important literature like Wiley and Grampa's Creature Features: Hair Ball From Outer Space . Tales of a Sixth-Grade Muppet: The Good, the Bad, and the Fuzzy By Kirk Scroggs Little, Brown Books for Young Readers Copyright © 2012 Kirk Scroggs All right reserved. ISBN: 9780316183123 CHAPTER 1 W hen Dr. Honeydew requested that I meet him at his lab at Eagle Talon Academy, for some weird reason he asked me to bring my dad. I also had my pet rat, Curtis, at my side, as well as Pasquale, my best friend and safety officer—which was a good move, because when we arrived, the place was an inferno! As soon as we opened the lab door, the pungent smell of the burnt hair of Dr. Honeydew’s assistant, Beaker, filled the air. (It smells kinda like charred tangerine peels and teddy-bear stuffing, in case you were wondering.) Flames were quickly spreading across the room. Luckily, Pasquale had his own personal X-3750 Fire Extinguisher with him, and he blasted the fire with foam. My dad helped fight the flames as well. My dad dousing the fire with flammable powder actually worked out nicely—the wind from the explosion extinguished the flames. Of course, I’d guess it also did about a hundred thousand dollars worth of damage. Oh, well… it’s all in the name of science. “Whoooweeee!” I said, wiping my forehead. “That was a scorcher! I’m honored, Doc! All this destruction just from trying to reverse my transformation.” Dr. Honeydew shook his head. “Actually, we were trying to make hot fudge using cocoa atoms,nitroglycerin, lavender-scented hand lotion, and a propane torch.” He pulled out his notepad and scribbled, “Note to self: Next time, use less hand lotion.” Pasquale leaned over to me and whispered, “Surely he didn’t call us over here to watch him make explosive fudge.” “Astute observation, young man,” said Dr.Honeydew, walking us over to the corner of his lab that wasn’t a pile of burning embers. “What I wanted to show you before we got distracted was this.” Dr. Honeydew approached a large round object with a dusty sheet draped over it. With one dramatic swoop he ripped off the sheet to unveil… “Whoooaaaaa!” I whoa’d. In front of us was a metallic podlike contraption. It was as tall as our refrigerator and looked kind a like a giant Easter egg crossed with a cyborg. It had one door on the front and a big cable poking out the back, which stretched across the room and attached to an identical pod. “That’s some set of telephone booths you got there, Doc,” said my dad. Dr. Honeydew flipped a switch and the pods lit up with blinking lights, and steam billowed out of the pod doors. “These aren’t telephone booths, my friend. Danvers, I want you to step into the first unit. Then, Mr. Blickensderfer, you will step inside with your son. If my calculations are correct, with the flip of this switch here, you both will be exploded into atoms, then reconfigured and transported to that pod over there. Danvers, I believe the extra Blickensderfer DNA from your dad will force out any residual Muppetness.” My dad gave me a look. “I thought you brought me over here to watch the Patriarchs game on the doctor’s big-screen TV?” “Tell me about it,” grumbled Pasquale. “He told me we were just gonna hang out together tonight, no science experiments, no Gonzo stunts, and definitely no Transportaters.” “Come on!” I said. “We spent, like, an hour together today already.” “Running up the bleachers in gym class with Coach Kraft shooting ice water at us from a Silly-Squirter doesn’t count,” said Pasquale. I tried to comfort Pasquale. “I know you get a little frustrated, but I just gotta find out why this happened to me, and how to go b