You hold in your hands not just a book, but a summons. A summons to bear witness to the most scandalous, absurd, and ink-splattered trials in the history of writing. The Inkquisition: A Dark Chronicle of Fountain Pen Crimes, the Penitent, and the Profane is a darkly humorous, faux-historical journey into the clandestine world of pen crimes and the brave, ridiculous souls who dared to investigate them. In these pages you will uncover the appalling chronicles of the Uncapped Outlaws, the sinister cult of the Cartridge Users, the forbidden art of ink mixing, and the ultimate heresy: ballpoints in sacred spaces. You will stand in mock judgment at the Trials of the Tribunal of the Capless, where sentences include cleaning converters until the end of days, writing confessions in shimmering ink, and being banished to the realm of cheap notebooks. This book is for those who understand that a pen is not merely a tool—it is a companion, a statement, and sometimes, a weapon of aesthetic destruction. Whether you are a proud piston devotee, an eyedropper purist, or simply a humble scribbler who respects the sacred click of a capped pen, you will find both laughter and cautionary tales within these ink-stained chapters. Approach with reverence. Read with mischief. And remember: should you commit any of these heinous fountain pen sins yourself… the Inkquisition is watching.