Every kid's favorite subject: bathroom humor! Inside the Jokiest Joking Bathroom Joke Book Ever Written . . . No Joke ! are over a thousand knee-slapping bathroom jokes for kids, along with hundreds of silly illustrations! How can you distinguish your dad’s poop from others? It’s really corny. Why did the turd never get anything done? Because he was pooped. What do you call a kid with a bad case of the runs? Down in the dumps. Hilarious and more! May Roche is a writer and contributor to over 25 bestselling trivia, nonfiction, and humor books that include a wide variety of subjects including inventions, survival, crafting, recipes, science, music, and television. May enjoys swapping inappropriate jokes with her family in the Pacific Northwest. She is the author of Jokiest Joking Bathroom Joke Book Ever Written . . . No Joke! AMANDA BRACK has a passion for drawing and illustration, and enjoys the creativity of working on a wide variety of projects in her freelance career. She currently lives in Boston, Massachusetts. The Jokiest Joking Bathroom Joke Book Ever Written ... No Joke! 1,001 Hilarious Potty Jokes to Make You Laugh While You Go By May Roche, Amanda Brack St. Martin's Press Copyright © 2018 St. Martin's Press All rights reserved. ISBN: 978-1-250-19003-1 Contents TITLE PAGE, COPYRIGHT NOTICE, DEDICATION, 1 REAL STINKERS — Elimination, Movies, Toilets, etc., 2 QUICK PICKS — Boogers, Snot, Noses, etc., 3 BUTT, WHY? — Behinds, Farts, Quotes, etc., 4 SLIGHTLY IRREGULAR — Food, Fun Facts, Slogans, etc., 5 WHEN A FART ISN'T A FART — Gas, Ninjas, Art, Fart Types, etc., 6 ANIMAL INSTINCTS — Dogs, Skunks, Flies, Pigs, etc., 7 KNOCK, KNOCK, ANYBODY IN THERE? — Butlers, Rhinos, Pencils, etc., 8 DOCTOR, DOCTOR! — Patients, Proctologists, Pains, etc., 9 URINE TROUBLE — Asparagus, Plumbers, Leaks, etc., 10 SPLATFEST — Vomit, Songs, Stinky Book Titles, etc., ABOUT THE AUTHOR AND ILLUSTRATOR, COPYRIGHT, CHAPTER 1 REAL STINKERS What did the cowboy have to say about his trip to the bathroom? It was an okie dookie. How can you distinguish your dad's poop from others? It's really corny. Why did the turd never get anything done? Because he was pooped. What do you call a kid with a bad case of the runs? Down in the dumps. What's worse than smelling a fart? Tasting one. What day of the week should you never use a public restroom? Splatterday. What song does the Lone Ranger sing when he goes to the bathroom? "Take a dump, take a dump, take a dump dump dump ..." TYPES OF POOP • Jaws: Things are quiet at first ... but then the tension starts to build. Better get outta the water, quick! • The DMV: Clear your schedule because this one is going to take ALL DAY. • The Scrubber: A poop so big that it cleans your hole on its way out. • Mount Vesuvius: Unexpected — and dangerously explosive — diarrhea. • The Ploop: When you go and it makes a nice little splash! • The Crayon: When it leaves marks in the bowl even after you flush. • The Cookout: When there are visible chunks of corn in there. • The False Alarm: When you rush to get to a bathroom only to discover it was just a fart. • The Dentist: A poop that takes so long and hurts so much it's like pulling teeth. • The Hallelujah: When you finally get to poop after being stuck in traffic for an hour ... and needing to use the bathroom the whole time. What did the butt cheeks say after they lost the poop? "It's over between us!" Why didn't Robin Hood need a toilet? He had his very own Little John always by his side. What does the pope do in the bathroom? Holy crap. What is a constipated gambler's favorite game? Craps. Why did the piece of poop feel so old? Because he was turning turdy. What's the stinkiest city? Pitts-burgh. Why didn't the baseball player have any friends? Because he'd always try to run home. What do you call an incompetent accountant's bowel movement? An income poop. What happened to the man who pooped on the sidewalk? He was fined for littering. What do you call a comedian with irritable bowel syndrome? The life of the potty. What do you call someone who spends over a half hour in the bathroom each morning? Dad. What's the crappiest candy? Reese's feces. Did you hear about the diarrhea outbreak? You should have. It's all over town. Did you hear about the movie Constipation ? It was never released. What's the grossest cookbook ever published? Dump Dinners. What does a liar say? "I didn't fart; it was the seat that made the noise!" What did the toilet bowl say when Moby Dick took a seat? "Make way! He's gonna blow!" What's the difference between a deep-fried wiener and a post-cookout poop? One is a corn dog, and the other is a corned log. Did you hear about the guy whose armpits were so smelly that they made his Speed Stick slow down and reconsider? What's the most disgusting kids' book ever written? Diarrhea of a Wimpy Kid. Where should you never step on a baseball diamond? Turd base. Wh