From aperitif to digestif, approach every meal with savvy and grace. We’ve all experienced Fancy-Pants Restaurant Jitters at some point – the fear that you will unknowingly commit some fine-dining crime, whether it’s using the wrong fork, picking an amateur wine, mispronouncing foie gras , or gasping when your fish entrée arrives with its head still attached. Relax. The Mere Mortal’s Guide to Fine Dining is the ultimate antidote to restaurant anxiety. Where does your napkin go when you leave the table? Should you sniff the wine cork? And why, pray tell, are there so many forks? This comprehensive and accessible primer answers these and dozens of other questions and offers the basics on every aspect of fine dining, including: * How to navigate a place setting * Speaking menu-ese and the language of fine food * A refresher on polite and polished table manners * 911 for wine novices * A carnivore’s guide to beef, pork, lamb, and veal * What local, sustainable, and organic really mean * Japanese dining dos and don’ts * Who’s who on a restaurant’s staff * How to be a regular—or get the perks like one * Top restaurants across the country * What the food snobs know (and you should, too) * And much more… With a little help, any Mere Mortal can order wine with confidence, get great, attitude-free service, decipher menus, and finally, truly, savor any dining experience. COLLEEN RUSH, a food-loving native of Louisiana, is a contributing writer to Cosmopolitan and author of Swim Naked, Defy Gravity, & 99 Other Essential Things to Accomplish Before Turning 30. She lives in Chicago. 1 RELAX—HELP IS ON THE WAY SCHMOOZING the STAFF like a SEASONED DINER The first rule of mastering fine dining: Get over yourself. An overdeveloped or fragile ego does nothing but interfere with a fantastic meal. You’re not alone if you feel intimidated or overwhelmed when you walk into those sumptuous dining rooms or divinely minimalist food meccas, but being cagey or aloof will only make you feel more out of place. The more open and honest you are about what you know—or don't know, as the case may be—the more you will learn, enjoy, and feel at ease in these restaurants. First and foremost, because the restaurant’s staff is trying to deliver this experience to you, you need to know who they are and how to work with them. Despite any fears you may have about stiff maître d’s or condescending waiters, generally, the higher the caliber of the restaurant, the better the service. Like all great artists and craftsmen, the culinary crews in fine dining establishments take a tremendous amount of pride in what they do and what they know. But the restaurant-diner relationship is a two–way street. If you have a bad attitude or skulk into a restaurant expecting loads of attitude from the staff, you may indeed get a free helping of attitude with your meal. Show your genuine appreciation and interest, or even cluelessness—by asking questions, encouraging suggestions, and complimenting the staff’s efforts—and you will have an extraordinary experience. Restaurant staff love to strut their stuff, and they will go out of their way to dazzle inquisitive and polite diners. From the maître d’hôtel and sommelier to the garde-manger, whether they're behind the scenes or flitting around your table, getting to know the players in a restaurant is as easy—and as useful—as chatting up the neighbors or your mailman. Yes, many of these people have official Frenchy job titles that are ripe for mispronouncing. They’re still just people whose jobs happen to revolve around making you happy and helping you spend your money, some of which ends up in their pockets. All you need to know and do is right here: who they are, what they do, how to pronounce their tongue-twisting titles, and, of course, Mere Mortal, how to become that elite diner: The Regular. At Your Service: Who's Who in a Restaurant FRONT-OF-THE-HOUSE STAFF Reservationists not only take your reservation, they can make all of the little extras happen, like saving that special corner table for you or giving the kitchen advance notice that you’re on a gluten-free diet. The person on the other end of the phone wields more power than you think. This is not a nameless, faceless automaton paid to do your bidding, so be calm, cool, and friendly when you call to make a reservation. How to Suck Up to the Reservationist Step 1: Know (and use) the reservationist's name. Asking for a name and inserting it when you greet and thank the reservationist is not only common courtesy, it gives you good mojo. If you're trying to get the best table in the house or weasel a reservation when the restaurant is booked, proper name–calling makes you seem more familiar and friendly to the person you’re trying to schmooze. It says, “Not only do you know me. You liiiike me.” Step 2: Let the compliments fly. Don’t hesitate to give a shout–out to a favorite waiter, say how much you love the res