From Simon & Schuster, the brash and outrageously funny autobiography of music legend Frank Zappa The Real Frank Zappa Book is the real story of how he became the state of the art in weirdness, as only he can tell it: wild rock 'n' roll road stories, confrontations with bureaucratic idiocy, and more. This is the second-best way to expose yourself to the particular genius of Frank Zappa (music is the best, after all)--through his own words. In addition to being an idiosyncratic American composer of some degree of controversy, Zappa was an orator of no small ability or scope. He was known for his ability to expound at great length (and to hilarious effect) on any number of topics. The Real Frank Zappa Book faithfully captures this side of its author, composed of essays on everything from his background and upbringing, to politics, capitalism, and raising children. Zappa takes the opportunity to dispel some of the most pervasive rumors that surrounded him right up to (and even persist after) his death in 1993 (no he didn't do drugs, or sleep with all those groupies). If you're familiar with the man, you will be able to hear his distinctive enunciations (aided by the bold-facing of certain words and Zappaisms) as you read the assorted road stories, his views on making music for a living, and scenes from two--count them, two--organized hearings on obscenity in music. Of course, the chapter titles speak for themselves and include such Zappa winners as "All About Schmucks," "Marriage (As a Dada Concept)," and "America Drinks and Goes Marching." Vanity Fair An autobiography of mostly hilarious stories...fireside war tales from the big bad days of the rockin' sixties...primer of the sonic avant-garde, the book bashes favorite Zappa targets and dashes a few myths about the man. The New York Post This book belongs in every home. Vanity Fair An autobiography of mostly hilarious stories...fireside war tales from the big bad days of the rockin' sixties...primer of the sonic avant-garde, the book bashes favorite Zappa targets and dashes a few myths about the man. The New York Post This book belongs in every home. Frank Vincent Zappa was a musician, singer, composer, songwriter and bandleader. His work is characterized by nonconformity, free-form improvisation, sound experiments, musical virtuosity and satire of American culture. CHAPTER 1 How Weird Am I, Anyway? "I never set out to be weird. It was always other people who called me weird." Frank Zappa (Baltimore Sun, October 12, 1986) This book exists on the premise that somebody, somewhere, is interested in who I am, how I got that way, and what the fuck I'm talking about. To answer Imaginary Question Number One, let me begin by explaining WHO I AM NOT. Here are two popular 'Frank Zappa Legends'... Because I recorded a song called "Son of Mr. Green Genes" on the Hot Rats album in 1969, people have believed for years that the character with that name on the Captain Kangaroo TV show (played by Lumpy Brannum) was my 'real' Dad. No, he was not. The other fantasy is that I once 'took a shit on stage.' This has been propounded with many variations, including (but not limited to): [1] I ate shit on stage. [2] I had a 'gross-out contest' (what the fuck is a 'gross-out contest'?) with Captain Beefheart and we both ate shit on stage. [3] I had a 'gross-out contest' with Alice Cooper and he stepped on baby chickens and then I ate shit on stage, etc. I was in a London club called the Speak Easy in 1967 or '68. A member of a group called the Flock, recording for Columbia at the time, came over to me and said: "You're fantastic. When I heard about you eating that shit on stage, I thought, 'That guy is way, way out there.'" I said, "I never ate shit on stage." He looked really depressed -- like I had just broken his heart. For the records, folks: I never took a shit on stage, and the closest I ever came to eating shit anywhere was at a Holiday Inn buffet in Fayetteville, North Carolina, in 1973. More Important Information for People Who Wonder What I Eat I wasn't crazy about most of the food my mother made -- like pasta with lentils. That was one of the most hated dishes of my childhood. She would make enough to last a week, in a big pot. After a few days in the icebox it used to turn black. My favorite things to eat then were blueberry pie, fried oysters and fried eels -- but I also used to love corn sandwiches: white bread and mashed potatoes with canned corn dumped on it. (Every once in a while, we'll come back to this fascinating topic, since it seems to matter so much to certain people in the audience.) The Boring, Basic Stuff "Be regular and orderly in your life so that you may be violent and original in your work." Gustave Flaubert How 'bout that epigraph, huh? Peter, you're cracking me up already. Okay, here we go....My real name is Frank Vincent Zappa (not Francis -- I'll explain