In this ground-breaking volume author Armin Brott gives single dads the knowledge, skills, and support they need to become-and remain-actively involved fathers. With the same thoroughness, accessibility, and humor that have made the books in his critically acclaimed New Father series the best and most popular fatherhood guides in the country, Brott steers divorced, separated, gay, widowed, and never-married men through every aspect of fathering without a partner. Incorporating the advice of top psychologists, lawyers, and other experts, The Single Father offers a wealth of essential information and practical tips. Illustrated with cartoons that underscore the challenges and, yes, even the satisfactions of single parenting, and complete with an extensive list of resources for divorced, widowed, and gay dads, The Single Father is one book no single dad can afford to do without. "The latest in the New Father series by Brott, The Single Father helps dads who are divorced, widowed, gay, or never-married to deal with the special issues of parenting alone. By combining personal experiences of solo dads with advice from psychologists, lawyers, and other experts, Brott provides insight that is both practical and reassuring. A 1999 Parents' Choice® Approval." —From Parents' Choice® Armin Brott , author of The New Father Series and a contributing writer to BabyTalk magazine, has written on fatherhood for the New York Times Magazine , Newsweek , the Washington Post , American Baby magazine, Parenting magazine, and many other periodicals. His weekly radio show on parenting is carried by one of the largest radio stations in the San Francisco Bay area. He and his family live in Oakland, California. Introduction Every year a million fathers get divorced. And every year a million men who aren’t married become fathers. There are also about a million gay fathers out there, as well as hundreds of thousands of widowers who have children under eighteen. Although each of these categories of fathers is quite different, they share a common bond. They are all single fathers. Some people might argue that the phrase single father should apply only to men who are raising their children on their own, without help from the children’s mother. I disagree. As far as I’m concerned, any man who has a child is a father—no exceptions. And any man who isn’t living with his child’s mother is a single father. It doesn’t matter whether you were once married or never married, whether you are widowed, gay, or in the process of ending a relationship. Nor does it matter whether you have full-time custody of your children, share it equally with your former partner, or hardly get to see your kids at all. What matters is that you want to be—and stay—actively involved in your children’s lives any way you can. In that case, this book is for you. As you may have already found out, though, being and staying involved with your kids is usually a lot harder for single fathers than it sounds. In divorce cases, mothers are given sole custody more than 85 percent of the time, and most fathers are left with every other weekend, alternate holds, and a couple of weeks in the summer. Never-married men have even fewer legal rights to see their children, and gay fathers suffer widespread social and judicial discrimination. Legally speaking, widowers are the best off, but like almost all other single fathers, they endure the societal suspicion that they aren’t capable of taking care of their children by themselves. In addition to these legal and societal impediments, too many single fathers who are faced with the seemingly daunting task of setting up and running a new household lack the necessary skills, experience, or social support to be involved with their children as they’d like to be. What This Book Is…and Is Not The Single Father: A Dad’s Guide to Parenting Without a Partner is not anti-woman. It’s also not about how to win a child-custody battle or how to hurt your children’s mother. Those attitudes help no one and end up taking a terrible toll on the children. If you’re looking for that kind of information, you’ll have to try someplace else. Instead, The Single Father is designed to help you recognize the legal, social, and practical obstacles to being an involved single father and find ways to overcome them. It will also educate you—whether you’re divorced, separated, or widowed—about the emotional, psychological, practical, and social aspects of single fatherhood. Finally, it will give you the knowledge, skills, support, and other tools you’ll need to preserve and develop your father-child relationship and to make a difference in your children’s lives. The time to start is now. Researchers have found that fathers who don’t have much meaningful contact with their children in their first two years as single fathers probably won’t have much contact at all. Being an actively involved single dad isn’t going to be