You want to be a nice person and feel good about yourself. But so many of the well intentioned things you do cause you burnout, bottle you up and leave you feeling unsatisfied. This book will help you correct 9 counterproductive mistakes nice people make every day. Look inside at the book's Contents page that lists them, and see if they don't make you feel like you're looking in a mirror! You quite quickly will learn how to: -- Let go of your need to be perfect and please everyone all the time. -- Say "no" to requests for your skills, energy and time, and feel great doing so. -- Tell others what you want from them, and receive it, without appearing selfish. -- Express anger without blowing up and harming your valued relationships -- Disarm those who wrongly or irrationally criticize or attack you. -- Be both honest with, and gracious toward, those who fail or disappoint you. -- Cease giving advice to others and feel good simply giving them information. -- Be genuinely helpful to addicted loved ones, rather than trying to rescue them. -- Stop attempting to protect those in grief and begin supporting them. This remarkable book will liberate you for a richer more enjoyable life ... and you still will be a nice person! "Highly readable, insightful, and compassionate...Duke Robinson extracts powerful, eminently practical lessons for everyday living from sound psychological principles." Martin V. Covington , professor of psychology. University of California at Berkeley "I hope many people will read this book and benefit from its honesty, eloquence and wisdom." Harold S. Kushner , author of When Bad Things Happen to Good People and How Good do We Have to Be? " "A 'how-to' book that breaks new ground...and shares unexpected new approaches that can open doors to more creative living." Robert McAfee Brown , author, former professor of religion, Stanford University. "His eloquent message is addressed to all who are striving to live good lives...an upbeat and honest message." The Library Journal "Profound, provocative, and practical...A thoughtful and deeply felt gift to all of us who get caught between the goodness of our hearts and our own naivete." Shirley Nice , The Corporate Coach After 30 years of reflection and teaching, I took two years to pull my notes and thoughts together about these nine self-destructive mistakes. I came to see that my parents and culture, with the best of intentions, had programmed me to engage in these everyday counterproductive behaviors. I unconsciously had bought into them because I was terrified of not being seen as a nice person and accepted by family and friends. The process of seeing them, then discovering how to avoid them--while still remaining a nice person-- helped turn me toward the sense of wholeness and liberation I knew I needed. It's satisfying, of course, to have had Time Warner's Warner Books (Now Grand Central Publishing) buy this, my first book, in an auction involving major publishing houses, publish it in 14 languages, promote it boldly through People Magazine, and then have Amazon make it one of the earliest Kindle books. Now, 24 years later I am gratified to know the book still sells briskly and many readers worldwide have found it so helpful. I wrote my other nonfiction books to help readers find relief from two other common fears.  In Create Your Best life , I describe how to live fully even as you know that one day you are going to die.  In A Middle Way , I explain one way to resolve the tension between science and religion so you don't have to be afraid of not having integrity, of not being true to yourself, and to your God, if indeed you have one. HIGH PRAISE for TOO NICEFOR YOUR OWN GOOD: Howto Stop Making 9 Self-Sabotaging Mistakes "Highly readable, insightful, and compassionate...Duke Robinson extracts powerful, eminently practical lessons for everyday living from sound psychological principles." Martin V. Covington , professor of psychology. University of California at Berkeley "Do-gooders: Here's why you burnout...In this book, Robinson shows how too much of a good thing can lead to emotional and physical exhaustion." New Orleans Times-Picayune "The wit and wisdom of Duke Robinson is about to become national knowledge. And he does more than simply analyze the mistakes we all make as nice persons. Attention to this very readable and practical book can make a good difference in the way we live." Paul H. Gertmenian , CEO, Henry Gertmenian Co. "The mistakes described in this book are like the common cold...Duke Robinson has done a masterful job defeating these emotional viruses...Reading this book and taking it seriously could save hundreds of hours in therapy, and it's a lot more fun." Dr. Robert R. Ball ,executive director, the State of California's Self-Esteem Task Force, and author of Walking on Water "Robinson's nine chapters turn the qualities of niceness inside out: 'trying to be perfe