In Twin Expectations, author Judge Eileen A. Olds presents a go-to, how-to, hope-filled guide for reclaiming what matters most-our children. Eileen and her identical twin sister, Francine, a noted gynecologist, were raised by their single mother to defy lowered expectations rather than succumb to them. If society had had its way, neither of them would have succeeded, let alone risen to the top of their professions in such highly-competitive fields. Now combining lessons learned from her mother and her own experiences as a juvenile and family court judge, she shares guiding wisdom and practical advice for children-rearing. Using her personal stories, Twin Expectations provides direction to parents to help their children of all ages: gain the confidence to make wise choices; learn to have accountability in all things; understand the power of purpose; be resilient; mind their manners; become independent sooner; and value family Advocating love, care, and concern, Twin Expectations provides a fresh vision for parents and all of those concerned about future generations. When Judge Olds throws her book at you, it is one you will want (and need) to catch! Twin Expectations Raising the Bar, Raising Expectations, Raising Children! By Eileen A. Olds iUniverse, Inc. Copyright © 2012 Judge Eileen A. Olds All right reserved. ISBN: 978-1-4759-6469-1 Contents Acknowledgments......................................................viiIntroduction: "How Come You Never Told Me That?".....................xi1. The Confidence to Make Wise Choices...............................12. Accountability in All Things......................................153. The Power of Purpose..............................................314. There Is Freedom in Discipline....................................435. Creating Resilient Children.......................................576. Manners Matter....................................................717. More Independence Sooner..........................................818. Love Your Sister..................................................899. Watch Out for the Trucks..........................................10110. The Endurance Test...............................................107Epilogue.............................................................115 Chapter One The Confidence to Make Wise Choices To lead or to follow. To stay in class or skip school. To stay in school or drop out. To pay for that bracelet or steal it. To do drugs or just walk away. To fight or take the high road. Our children make choices every day, but are they wise choices ? Too often, and for all the wrong reasons, kids make the wrong choices. Whether out of impulse, peer pressure, or simply a lack of tools to guide them, the choices kids make now can temporarily or even permanently affect their future. I can honestly say that I have never been in a fistfight. However, I have taken on many mental, emotional, and character fights! I think part of the reason I never got in a fistfight is because my mom always emphasized "taking the high road" and insisted that we weigh how momentary fits of rage could affect our standing among our peers, teachers, and neighbors (literally and figuratively), not to mention that fighting was not ladylike. I can still hear her saying, "Just walk away!" Every day kids end up suffering the consequences of the choices that they have made. Too few of them understand that what they chose to do could land them in hot water or hurt someone. Sadly, too few care about the consequences of their negative behavior because they have not been taught to care about them. That's why it's up to us as role models, parents, and people who care to help them make sound choices. But how? One of the greatest gifts we can give our children is the confidence to make wise choices. My mom exuded confidence, and she made it look so easy. Part of teaching the art of confidence is simply leading by example through making good choices of our own, and equally important is helping kids understand the consequences of both good and bad choices. Puddin'(the family nickname that we often called my mother)would remind us to be confident in our decisions, and then "hold your head high," she would say. The Nine Gifts of Confidence To help see the true power of confidence and how it might affect your child's decision-making process, here are what I consider the Nine Gifts of Confidence: The First Gift of Confidence: Security When your child feels confident, he or she also feels secure in who he or she is. When a child feels secure, he or she also has more confidence. I can't stress enough how important security is toward helping a child become a healthy, vibrant adult. When your child is secure in who he or she is, what his or her strengths and weaknesses are, and what he or she is all about, he or she naturally finds it much easier to • make wise choices; • say no to unwise cho