The tenets of Nonviolent Communication are applied to a variety of settings, including the classroom and the home, in these booklets on how to resolve conflict peacefully. Illustrative exercises, sample stories, and role-playing activities offer the opportunity for self-evaluation, discovery, and application. Applying the Nonviolent Communication (NVC) process to conflict resolution inspires peaceful collaboration by focusing on the unmet needs that lie at the root of any given conflict. Practical techniques help mediators and participants to find the heart of the conflict and use genuine cooperation to reach resolutions that meet everyone’s needs. Marshall Rosenberg, PhD (1934-2015), was the founder and educational director of the Center for Nonviolent Communication (CNVC). He travelled throughout the world mediating conflict and promoting peace. www.CNVC.org We Can Work It Out Resolving Conflicts Peacefully and Powerfully By Marshall B. Rosenberg, Graham Van Dixhorn PuddleDancer Press Copyright © 2005 Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D. All rights reserved. ISBN: 978-1-892005-12-0 Contents Introduction, Using Nonviolent Communication to Resolve Conflicts, Defining and Expressing Needs, Sensing the Needs of Others, Checking to See that Needs Are Accurately Received, Providing Empathy to Heal the Pain, Resolving Disputes Between Groups of People, Offering Strategies in Positive Action Language, Resolving Conflicts With Authorities, Respecting Is Not the Same as Conceding, When You Can't Get the Two Sides Together, Conclusion, How You Can Use the NVC Process, Some Basic Feelings and Needs We All Have, About PuddleDancer Press, About CNVC and NVC, Trade Books from PuddleDancer Press, Trade Booklets from PuddleDancer Press, CHAPTER 1 Using Nonviolent Communication to Resolve Conflicts The Nonviolent Communication practices that support conflict resolution involve: a) expressing our own needs; b) sensing the needs of others regardless of how others are expressing themselves; c) checking to see if needs are accurately being received; d) providing the empathy people need in order to hear the needs of others; and e) translating proposed solutions or strategies into positive action language. CHAPTER 2 Defining and Expressing Needs (Needs Are Not Strategies) It has been my experience that if we keep our focus on needs, our conflicts tend toward a mutually satisfactory resolution. Keeping our focus on needs, we express our own needs, clearly understand the needs of others, and avoid any language that implies wrongness of the other party. The following are some of the basic human needs we all share: Autonomy • to choose one's dreams, goals, and values • to choose one's plan for fulfilling one's dreams, goals, and values Celebration • to celebrate the creation of life and dreams fulfilled • to celebrate losses: loved ones, dreams, etc. (mourning) Integrity • authenticity • creativity • meaning • self-worth Interdependence • acceptance • appreciation • closeness Interdependence continued • community • consideration • contribution to the enrichment of life (to exercise one's power by giving that which contributes to life) • emotional safety • empathy • honesty (the empowering honesty that enables us to learn from our limitations) • love • reassurance • respect • support • trust • understanding • warmth Physical Nurturance • air • food • movement, exercise Physical Nurturance continued • protection from life-threatening forms of life: viruses, bacteria, insects, predatory animals, etc. • rest • sexual expression • shelter • touch • water Play • fun • laughter Spiritual Communion • beauty • harmony • inspiration • order • peace Unfortunately, I've found that very few people are literate in expressing needs. Instead they have been trained to criticize, insult, and otherwise communicate in ways that create distance among people. As a result, even in conflicts for which resolutions exist, resolutions are not found. And instead of both parties expressing their own needs and understanding the needs of the other party, both sides play the game of who's right. That game is more likely to end in various forms of verbal, psychological, or physical violence than in peaceful resolution of differences. Since needs are such a vital component of this approach to conflict resolution, I'd like to clarify what I'm referring to when I talk about needs. Needs, as I use the term, can be thought of as resources life requires to sustain itself. For example, our physical well-being depends on our needs for air, water, rest, and food being fulfilled. Our psychological and spiritual well-being is enhanced when our needs for understanding, support, honesty, and meaning are fulfilled. As I'm defining needs, all human beings have the same needs. Regardless of our gender, educational level, religious beliefs. or nationality, we have the same needs. What differs from person to per