In nine stories that move between nouveau riche Los Angeles and the working class East Coast, Kevin Morris explores the vicissitudes of modern life. Whether looking for creative ways to let off steam after a day in court or enduring chaperone duties on a school field trip to the nation's capital, the heroes of White Man's Problems struggle to navigate the challenges that accompany marriage, family, success, failure, growing up, and getting older. The themes of these perceptive, wry and sometimes humorous tales pose philosophical questions about conformity and class, duplicity and decency, and the actions and meaning of an average man's life. Morris's confident debut strikes the perfect balance between comedy and catastrophe—and introduces a virtuosic new voice in American fiction. "Remarkable. A brightly lit noir about the scariness of getting what you want. Anybody who has ever had the 'Now What’s?' should read that book."—David Carr, New York Times "Wonderful group of stories by Kevin Morris. Lyrical and honest in its look at modern American life. Buy this and you will love it."—Gus Van Sant "Kevin Morris is that rare writer who bridges the class divide, illuminating the lives of working class characters and affluent professionals with equal authenticity and insight. White Man's Problems is a revelatory collection that marks the arrival of striking new voice in American fiction."—Tom Perrotta “The echoes here are of a former generation of American writers—John Cheever, John Updike, Raymond Carver . . . deathless prose that might make you weep.”— USA Today “Morris, an entertainment lawyer by trade, offers up shrewd, bitingly funny commentary on his own privileged class.”— TIME "Life undermines the pursuit of success and status in these rich, bewildering stories…a finely wrought and mordantly funny take on a modern predicament by a new writer with loads of talent."— Kirkus Reviews "These brutal and heartfelt stories will knock you out."—Jim Gavin, author of Middle Men "Kevin Morris’s voice is Updike and Cheever and Carver"—Eric Roth, Academy Award-winning screenwriter of Forrest Gump "These clear-eyed morality tales showcase lightheartedness and angst in equal measure . . . Morris’s themes are universal in scope.”—Foreword Reviews Kevin Morris has written for The Wall Street Journal, Los Angeles Times and Filmmaker Magazine. He is the Co-producer of the Tony Award-winning Broadway musical, The Book of Mormon, and producer of the classic documentary film, Hands on a Hardbody. He lives with his wife and two children in Los Angeles. This is his first collection of fiction. White Man's Problems By Kevin Morris Grove Atlantic, Inc. Copyright © 2014 Kevin Morris All rights reserved. ISBN: 978-0-8021-2388-6 Contents Summer Farmer, The Plot To Hold Hands With Elizabeth Tremblay, Slipstream, Here Comes Mike, Mulligan's Travels, Rain Come Down, Starting Out, Miracle Worker, White Man's Problems, CHAPTER 1 Summer Farmer When Harrigan awoke, the first thing he saw was her left eye with its cobalt-blue iris. She'd snuck into his bed again. He didn't mind it. Any single dad is happy when his nine-year-old daughter gets in bed with him. Beautiful, really, that eye — those eyes. Ruby was tugging his arm, telling him to get up. It was early, and he knew she wanted to watch TV for those few valuable minutes before her nanny made it through the surfer traffic of the Pacific Coast Highway to the house on Malibu Road. He turned on the cartoons and walked to the medicine cabinet, where he swallowed his morning meds. There were six pills: three Lamictal and three Budeprion XL, the generic brand of Wellbutrin. They picked him up and slowed him down — at least that's how the psychopharmacologist explained it. He was a touch bipolar; how big the touch and how far apart the poles, no one knew. He thought the pills helped, but there was evidence they didn't. He made his daily fiber-supplement drink and waited for a cappuccino to drip from the machine. One of the artificially distressed kitchen cabinets was losing a handle, another thing to fix. The beach and the sky and the ocean were gray. He read The New York Times more closely than the LA Times, and didn't read the The Wall Street Journal at all. He shifted from left to right, making room for Ruby's brother, Bobby, as he sat sleepy eyed and grouchy, an unspeaking beast, all zits and hair in a Dead Kennedys T-shirt. Once the nanny arrived, he backed out of the garage and headed slowly south along the shoreline in his black Mercedes S 63 AMG. It had a 518-horsepower V-8 AMG engine, F1 manual shifters, twenty-inch five-spoke light alloy wheels, seven-speed automatic transmission, and calibrated Active Body Control. The S 63 also had AMG-specific piping design and new contoured side bolsters for outstanding seating comfort, as well as an MSRP of $127,000. He wasn't sure what he paid; his business manager had