It began with a cow that just wouldn't die. Yep. That's right. They're still un-dead, and now the disease has spread to humans. The epidemic that transformed Britain's bovine population into a blood-thirsty, brain-grazing, zombie horde...err...zombie herd... is threatening to take over the globe in Michael Logan's World War Moo . And there's not much time left to stop it. All of Great Britain is infected and hungry. The rest of the world has a tough choice to make. Should they nuke the brits right off the map ― men, women, children, cows and all ― in the biggest genocide in history? Or should they risk global infection in a race against time to find a cure? With hungry zombies attempting to cross borders by plains, trains, boats, and any other form of transport available, it's only a matter of time before the virus gets out. And if it does, there's only one answer. This means war. “ Apocalypse Cow treads that rare path between horrific and hilarious, which makes for a very fun read indeed. Give it a go.” ― Christopher Moore, author of Lamb, Fool, and A Dirty Job “ Apocalypse Cow made me snort with laughter.” ― Terry Pratchett, author of the award-winning and bestselling Discworld novels “Logan has a flair for unique description ("a muscled chest that made Arnold Schwarzenegger's pecs look like burst balloons") and for painting a mental picture almost photographic in its clarity. An impressive start for an author who's going places.” ― Publishers Weekly on Apocalypse Cow “ Apocalypse Cow is a promising first novel, with a challenging premise that will be hard to top, so it'll be interesting to see what he has lined up next. Perhaps something equally horrifying (and hilarious) for the vegetarian set.” ― Rue Morgue “This clever and very funny twist on the traditional zombie novel is exceedingly well executed (it approaches but never quite steps into parody territory), and it ends with a scene that pretty much demands a sequel. Great stuff for horror and fantasy fans.” ― Booklist (starred) on Apocalypse Cow MICHAEL LOGAN is a Scottish journalist whose career has taken him across the globe. He left Scotland in 2003 and has lived in Bosnia, Hungary, Switzerland and Kenya, where he is currently based with his wife and two young children. His short fiction has appeared in various literary journals, and a (very) short story of his won Fish Publishing's International One-Page Fiction Prize. He is the author of Apocalypse Cow . World War Moo An Apocalypse Cow Novel By Michael Logan St. Martin's Press Copyright © 2015 Michael Logan All rights reserved. ISBN: 978-1-250-06165-2 CHAPTER 1 General Carter was standing on the seventeenth tee of the Augustine Golf Club, using his wood as a leaning post and stifling a laugh as his Russian counterpart shanked a ball into the rough, when the call came in. General Kuzkin broke off from his incomprehensible cursing, and General Zhang turned from where he was sifting through his clubs. They looked at the American expectantly as he listened. He nodded once, said, "Understood," and hung up. A broad grin sprang up so quickly that it set his pockmarked jowls wobbling. "Good news, gentlemen," he said, adjusting his red golf cap to a jaunty angle. "Our glorious leaders have finished their little powwow, and they've finally had enough of waiting on this multilateral UN crap. This time next year, I'll be teeing off at Gleneagles again." "Lovely course," said Zhang, miming a swing with his delicate hands. "Yes indeed. I laid out five thousand bucks for my membership last year and only got to play once before those goddamn zombies shut down the country. Didn't even get a refund. Eight months without a round at the best course in the world. That, my friends, is a tragedy." "How soon do we move?" Kuzkin asked. "They want us ready to go in twenty days. No warning. Catch them with their pants down and their pasty British asses dangling in the breeze." Kuzkin threw his club back to the caddy. "We should go to the clubhouse to start planning." "Hold your horses," Carter said. "We've still got two holes to play. I do my best thinking on the course." "In Russia, we do our best thinking in the dacha with a warm fire and a bottle of vodka. This is a stupid Western game." "Hey, it's team building. This is our first joint mission: Russia, China, and the U.S. working together in the interests of humanity. It's a brave new world, my friend. We need to understand each other's cultures." Kuzkin's pale blue eyes peered out from beneath a canopy of shaggy eyebrows. "Culture is literature, classical music, and art, not hitting a stupid little ball at a stupid little hole you can't even see with binoculars." Zhang slid a wood from his bag and pointed it at the Russian. "You only want to stop because you are losing." "I don't care if I lose. You can have my money now. Or we can go double or quits and play Tiger Has Come in the clubhouse." "What is that?" Zhang said. "Russian d