You know you’re lightest when you first wake up? Maybe it’s because you actually burn calories while you sleep, more calories than when you’re sitting watching TV at least. That’s another unnecessary fact I added to my brain when I was consumed by my eating disorder. This is called “morning skinny.” When you get up and look in the mirror, you’re not bloated from food yet, so you’re at your thinnest. For a lot of us, it’s our favorite version of our body. But it’s not sustainable. I can’t get through my day without eating. Even if I restrict my calories or just drink water all day, the morning skinny will fade. Just like the body I once had, it’s meant to go away. When Becca heard the phrase “everything is beautiful at the ballet”, she believed if she just kept dancing, everything would be magical and happy all the time. As the demand of dancing, dating, and daring to dream consumed her, she quickly fell under the thumb of an eating disorder. While her life appeared to be beautiful at first glance, an alternate inner dialogue reigned freely. When the looking glass inevitably reached its breaking point, and glass shards shattered across her whole world, Becca finally took a reflective look at her body… and mind. This memoir tells the story of a girl in her 20s who moves to New York City, her problems tucked away in her suitcase. Upon unpacking, she realized that in order to heal and live a full life, she must mourn skinny: grieve her 17-year-old body, and love her 25-year-old self. mourning skinny is a brutally honest take on living with an eating disorder in adulthood, surviving trauma, and overcoming mental health challenges. Content Warning: This book contains depictions of eating disorder behaviors (restriction, bingeing, purging), self-harm, and sexual assault.